Groucho Marx: for WenWilder

[minstrel]

"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"

"Room service? Send up a larger room."

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."

"I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book."

"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

[ronniethedodger]

"...and that's the most funniest thing that I ever heard !!!"

[Narasinha]

I've been a Marx Brothers fan for years. Classic comedy never goes out of style. Here are a few more little quips from Groucho, a master of the one-liner.

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."

"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

"It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy."

"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."

"I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."

"Here's to our girlfriends and wives; may they never meet!"

"I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."

"I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that."

"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"

"I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse."

[wenwilder]

I hope Al (Einstein) and Mark (Twain) will forgive me, since they are my favorite one's to quote, but....I could not pass up Groucho. Some things just MUST be done. ;)


"It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all."

"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."

"Hello, I must be going."

"Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?"

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"My favorite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know."

As great as quotes are I truly prefer trivia. ;) Did you know..........

Groucho Marx real name was Julius Henry Marx.

He was told by studio executive Walter Wanger to lose the greasepaint moustache as it was an "obvious fake".

When he suffered from insomnia, he used to call people up in the middle of the night and insult them.

There are at least two versions of how Julius Henry Marx got his more famous nickname. One is that it came from his general disposition. The other, that, during the Marx Brothers' early days in vaudeville, he was the keeper of the act's "grouchsack," or money purse. Groucho, himself, said, on one occasion, "my own name, I never did understand."

In the 1950s Groucho was invited to take a tour of the New York Stock Exchange. While in the observation booth, he grabbed the public address system handset and began singing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady". Upon hearing silence coming from the trading floor, he walked into view, was given a loud cheer by the traders, and shouted, "Gentlemen, in 1929 I lost eight hundred thousand dollars on this floor, and I intend to get my money's worth!" For fifteen minutes, he sang, danced, told jokes, and all this time, the Wall Street stock ticker was running blank.

More Marx brother trivia.

[esiegel]

"...and that's the most funniest thing that I ever heard !!!"

Actually the quote is "That's the most rediculus thing I've ever heard"

When performing at an anti-semetic country club...refused access to the pool...he responded:
"since my daughter is only half Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?"

I graduated from Fredonia State University in New York...the town the used to name the country in Duck Soup!

[minstrel]

Speaking of Lydia, and in keeping with WenWilder's love of trivia: this was a song that Groucho sang in many places other than the Stock Exchange, including at least one movie. He used to alter the words at different times to make it topical (i.e., adding a line about Hitler somewhere), but the original was written by Harold Arlen (music) and E.Y. Harburg (lyrics) for The Philadelphia Story -

My life was wrapped around the circus. Her name was Lydia. I met her at the world's fair in 1900, marked down from 1940. Ah, Lydia.

She was the most glorious creature
Under the su-un.
Guiess. DuBarry. Garbo.
Rolled into one.

Oooooooh
Lydia oh Lydia, say have you met Lydia,
Lydia, the Tattooed Lady.
She has eyes that folks adore so,
And a torso even more so.

Lydia oh Lydia, that encyclopedia,
Oh Lydia the Queen of Tattoo.
On her back is the Battle of Waterloo.
Beside it the wreck of the Hespherous, too.
And proudly above waves the Red, White, and Blue,
You can learn a lot from Lydia.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

When her robe is unfurled, she will show you the world,
If you step up and tell her where.
For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paris,
Or Washington crossing the Delaware.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Oh Lydia oh Lydia, say have you met Lydia,
Oh Lydia the Tattooed Lady
When her muscles start relaxing,
Up the hill comes Andrew Jackson

Lydia oh Lydia, that encyclopedia,
oh Lydia the queen of them all!
For two bits she will do a mazurka in jazz,
With a view of Niagara that nobody has.
And on a clear day you can see Alcatraz.
You can learn a lot from Lydia.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Come along and see Buff'lo Bill with his lasso.
Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso.
Here is Captain Spaulding exploring the Amazon.
Here's Godiva but with her pajamas on.

La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la

Here is Grover Whalen unveilin' the Trilon.
Over on the West Coast we have Treaure Island.
Here's Najinsky a-doin' the rumba.
Here's her social security numba.

(whistles)

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia that encyclopedia,
Oh Lydia the champ of them all.
She once swept an Admiral clear off his feet.
The ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat.
And now the old boy's in command of the fleet,
For he went and married Lydia.

I said Lydia (He said Lydia)
I said Lydia (We said Lydia)

La La!

[esiegel]

Speaking of Lydia, and in keeping with WenWilder's love of trivia: this was a song that Groucho sang in many places other than the Stock Exchange, including at least one movie.

The movie was, of course, At The Circus (1939).

For those of you who care...
Story has it that the Marx Bros. were performing their vaudeville act on stage in Fredonia, NY, when they got boo-ed off the stage. Groucho vowed to declare war on Fredonia...and so the country in Duck Soup became...FREEDONIA. I graduated from Freedonia State in 1981, but I understand there is still an annual Marx Bros. festival (any excuse for a party in Fredonia!)

[paulhiles]

Brilliant scene from Duck Soup where Groucho is on top form doing what he did best, bewildering and charming women simultaneously!

Rufus T. Firefly (President of Fredonia) (Groucho): Not that I care, but where is your husband?

Mrs. T: Why, he's dead.

Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.

Mrs. T: I was with him till the very end.

Firefly: Huh! No wonder he passed away.

Mrs. T: I held him in my arms and kissed him.

Firefly: Oh, I see. Then it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.

Mrs. T: He left me his entire fortune.

Firefly: Is that so? ... Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you.

Mrs. T: Oh, your Excellency!

Firefly: You're not so bad yourself.