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Thread: "So this is Christmas..."

  1. #11
    WebProWorld MVP minstrel's Avatar
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    Jul 2003
    Ottawa, Canada

    This just in...

    PETA kidnaps Santa's reindeer.

    A PETA spokeswoman says this will save them from the torture of flying around the world "pulling that fat elf".

    A spokeself from Santa's North Pole headquarters says that Christmas presents may have to be cancelled if they cannot line up alternate transportation.

    Air Canada, when contacted, suggested that the best they could offer on short notice was "all the peanuts you can eat from one of those little bags".

  2. #12
    Wait a minute, Queen Elizabeth weighed about half of that.
    I reject your reality and will purchase my own.
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  3. #13

    Santa Is A Woman!


    Think about it - Christmas is a big, organized, warm fuzzy, nurturing,
    social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly
    pull it off!

    For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting
    gifts until Christmas Eve.

    Once in the Mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco
    products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On
    this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

    Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up
    Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree,
    still in the box.

    Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,
    there would be no reindeer because they would be dead, gutted and
    strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate
    claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already
    be on the way to the taxidermist.

    Even if the male-Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transporta-
    tion problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the
    snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

    Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
    --> Men can't pack a bag.
    --> Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. Men would
    --> feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all
    those elves.
    --> Men don't answer their mail.
    --> Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in
    jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
    --> Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
    --> Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their
    ability to pick up women.
    --> Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commit-
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  4. #14
    I agree 100% definately a woman why?

    Well to buy that many presents would require 364 days of solid shopping and only a woman could do that and of course whilst she's out shopping all day Mr. Santa would have to be out earning all the money to pay for it all (ducks flying barbie skewer from Cindy, dodges bucket of jello aimed at head by Wen :)

    Oh well everyone else does it - Hidden Content - Hidden Content - Hidden Content

  5. #15
    WebProWorld MVP minstrel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Ottawa, Canada
    Top Ten Pickup Lines used by Santa's Elves:

    1. "I'm down here."
    2. Just because I've got bells on my shoes, doesn't mean I'm a sissy.
    3. I was once a lawn ornament for 'NSync. Want to meet them?
    4. I can get you off Santa's naughty list.
    5. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys.
    6. I'm a magical being. Can I try to make your top disappear?
    7. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler.
    8. Get an eyedropper of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.
    9. You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.
    10. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners!

  6. #16

    A new profession?

    Did you ever consider going into Engineering instead of Psych?
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  7. #17
    WebProWorld MVP minstrel's Avatar
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    Jul 2003
    Ottawa, Canada
    Not really, although there is a story behind that too, of course...

    Why engineering?

  8. #18
    all of this may be true...but remember...David Coperfield may the Statue of Liberty anything is possible!

    To quote the NY Mets..."you gotta believe!"
    Ed Siegel - Business Information Manager
    Ampacet Corporation
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  9. #19
    But you are forgetting Santa is magic!!!

    (Probably due to all the fly agaric mushrooms he has consumed down the centuries. That is why he has a red and white coat.)
    Michael Thrower
    Computer Broker
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  10. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by mikmik
    Weather balloons dont look like flying sauces, (for that matter...flying saucers dont look like saucers either), so maybe the reindeer aren't actually reindeer. Maybe the guy who originally wrote that had been drinking too much schnapps that nite! ;-)
    Or standing to close to the particle accelerator :o)
    (Maybe looking inside when it went off.)
    ...or maybe he was one of the reindeer immediately to the rear of Randolph ... phew %>o
    Ronnie T. Dodger
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