Understanding English

[Brittany]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need. . . = I want.
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10 Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead
11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 minutes
14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

[pedstersplanet]

Sexist! Tut :P

[Brittany]

Sexist! Tut :P

LOL! The irony here is that this was sent to me by a man! 8-o

[mikmik]

All right, who spilled the goods?!

That is supposed to be secret info, Claws ;O) Only men are allowed to know that stuff LOL

[wenwilder]

All right, who spilled the goods?!

That is supposed to be secret info, Claws ;O) Only men are allowed to know that stuff LOL

If only men are supposed to know it, then how come they haven't learned it yet? :p

[mikmik]

wenwilder did this: :p , right after she said this:

If only men are supposed to know it, then how come they haven't learned it yet? :p

Whew, eh?

Looks like they girls didn't get their hands on the whole manual, just the FAQs section LOL
Since when does knowing something mean we do it? Doh!

Damn, did I just give another one up?


------------
Mr. Jacobs, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Arnold, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Arnold gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Jacobs, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." And with that, she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Jacobs called on Miss Jones and asked the same question.

Miss Jones, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Jacobs. "And now, Miss Arnold, I have three things to say to you.

"One, you have not studied your lesson.

"Two, you have a dirty mind.

"And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

[wclew]

"One, you have not studied your lesson.

"Two, you have a dirty mind.

"And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

LMAO!!

[Tubby]

I never understood women, although I was married for 15 years.

What simple things a single man can do;

(1) keep his fishing bait in the fridge,

If I recall correctly, choosing the red high heel; shoes, means - your looking frumpy,
Choosing the flat red shoes, means - you drink too much.
choosing any other color but red (she was wearing red), means - I do not want to go out with you tonight.

[labrynth_of_fire]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

-snip-

o_O Thats so true....

[designhead]

I'm sorry to put a damper on things--I know its all in fun. BUT, I personally, hate reinforcing that old thing about a woman saying no really means yes. There are a lot of guys who really believe that, and it is often the reason behind "date rape". I just think that is too serious to joke about. So, I'd like to change #2.
No = No