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ididit
04-02-2006, 05:02 PM
Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

Tubby
04-02-2006, 07:11 PM
I like that.

tangotv
04-05-2006, 11:57 AM
This is a very good piece. Great writing, Ididit. This could have many other applications. Getting a bid ready for a prospective client can be the same as planning the actual job. The other day a supplier said "We do the 'bid' and then send the invoice". It's a hard call.

dharrison
04-05-2006, 04:56 PM
Thats good. I have read it before on a newsgroup (remember them) where the last line was something like "You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! However as far as cost is concerned, we cannot really pay you but thought you could have a link at the bottom of our page."

Thankfully that type of comments seems to have died out (certainly after eating a lot of door).

rms7design
04-05-2006, 05:24 PM
so true... and so sad.....

see ya

yogia
04-05-2006, 05:48 PM
Hi ididit:

So sad but true -- unrealistic expectations ... a result of shirking personal responsibility and dumping it on others. It is very important that each of the parties involved fulfills its own share of responsibilities, and be practical (develop the specifications) so that we are building a house, or a website, and not building a castle in thin air.

ididit ... Good Job indeed!

G[dot]com
04-05-2006, 06:37 PM
what else to say?

Plain true.
Sad.
But true.

Excellent post.

seofan
04-05-2006, 06:39 PM
I had a good laugh at that. I'll probably frame it and put it on my office wall.

And too, I cringe everytime someone starts out their question with, "It shouldn't be too hard to...(insert extensive database-driven programming job from the devil's lair here)"

incrediblehelp
04-05-2006, 06:59 PM
Great write up ididit. I get fun questions like this from people all the time that don't understand much about the marketing or even website basics:

Clueless: "I hear you get websites ranked high? I want to make money online."

Me: "What do you want to sell online or what service does the website offer?"

Clueless: "No idea, don't you do that to?"

Me: "No"

Clueless: "Can you make me money online?"

Me: "No, I am hanging up now"

davebarnes
04-05-2006, 08:03 PM
dharrison was correct. She has seen this before.

I searched for and got: Results 1 - 100 of about 270 for "my 1952 Gibson refrigerator". All had titles such as: "If Architects Had To Work Like Web Designers..." and the oldest one appears to data from 2001, www.utexas.edu/teamweb/forums/webpub/handouts/20010516_dcook.ppt .

So, our OP has done a bit of plagiarizing.

,dave

ukeyoc
04-05-2006, 09:09 PM
jajajaja... :)

ptellep
04-05-2006, 09:52 PM
I think I have that client.

BTW - The OP never claimed to have penned, nor did she attribute it to anyone - but who cares, it was funny.

TwistedBee
04-05-2006, 10:33 PM
Funny!

But it does hit close to home for me. I've been on so many project where the specifications were a moving target. Not fun at all.

Nice post

jeffposaka
04-05-2006, 10:43 PM
This reminds me of a recent project--a poster child for the term "scope creep".

Thanks for the post.

ccera
04-06-2006, 12:01 AM
This is hilarious. Unfortunately, as a real estate agent I can tell you that there are plenty of clients who are actually like that about houses as well as web sites. :(
CiCi

TrafficProducer
04-06-2006, 06:08 AM
Build me a house, make sure it is done yesterday :)

Maybe this is part of the Push-Button computer theory? Push a button on the keyborad an something happens straight a way.

Maybe it is part of the "I want it now theory" ?

May be its part of the myth that everyone else is making millions on-line, and this can be done with one hour a months work?

By the way the house hast to be taller that next door and if they add another level you have to add another two levels to mine at no extra cost.

I want plenty of light, big windows but no glass, a reference to use Flash and big image downloads but still get high ranking, (sorry Flash fans).

And.. I don't want to actually have to live in the house because you will have to knock it all down and I will give a different person a tasks of building a simular house but better than the one you did.

What you what paying???

janeth
04-06-2006, 01:32 PM
Thats good. I have read it before on a newsgroup (remember them) where the last line was something like "You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! However as far as cost is concerned, we cannot really pay you but thought you could have a link at the bottom of our page."

Thankfully that type of comments seems to have died out (certainly after eating a lot of door).

I still get the, "I'll give you a link at the bottom of the page".

I did it for one guy and he called the next month and told me he had a list of changes I needed to make or he would remove the link.

Guess I don't have that link anymore. lol

ran_dizolph
04-07-2006, 03:46 PM
Thanks for bringing that article to my attention...hits the nail right on the head in so many way!

commanderdave
04-07-2006, 04:46 PM
I tell people that if I had wanted to pull teeth, I'd be a dentist.

As a designer, my favorite is, "Well can't you design it without the content?"

My response has always been, "I can't illustrate the story until I know it."

That was a very funnny post. Thanks for the laughs. Many of my friends enjoyed it too.