Sex Of A Computer

[matauri]

Gender of Computer
A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" is feminine: "la Maison." "Pencil," is masculine:
"le crayon."

A student asked, "What gender is computer?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups - male
and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine("le computer") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

:-)


Cindy

[mikmik]

Computers. Can't live with them, can't live without 'em.

[carbonize]

At least there was no reference to 3.5 inch floppies.

[mikmik]

carbonize (number one on google....) said:
At least there was no reference to 3.5 inch floppies.Question? Is this presented as irony, or double entendre?
Just a thought - Are hard drives getting bigger all the time ( e.g. more storage capacity) or continually shrinking (e.g. physical dimensions re: HDD for portables, etc)?
Any hooo, back to the matter at hand, I came upon this handy little referrence the other day, so I gave myself the test and only posess quality #6, so come to the unfortunate conclusion that I am one of the ones waiting to be reincarnated (sigh)....

19 Ways to Know You Are a Woman

1. You are a !itch.

2. When asked 'Is something bothering you?' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.

3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..

4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

5. Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say 'It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.' when you mean 'It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!'

6. Whine

7. If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost superhuman level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it's because he is lazy.

8. No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.

9. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

10. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

11. Complain

12. Hate any bar he likes

13. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. - these are required gifts proving his love.

14. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all the stress of your life (also, see number 7).

15. Remember that ANY woman who so much as stares at your boyfriend must be labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible

16. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.

17. Break into tears for no apparent reason, then use number 2.

18. Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.

19. Insinuate yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.

[minstrel]

Computers. Can't live with them, can't live without 'em.

"Women... can't live with 'em... can't stuff 'em in a sack." -- Larry from Larry, Daryl, and Daryl, from The Bob Newhart Show.

"Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother Daryl. This is my other brother Daryl." -- ibid.

[JMac]

MikMik - only one comment:
Canadians do not pluralize "beer". ie. "I had a couple beer last night" as opposed to "So many beers, so little time."
I had to gloss over the rest of that post as I resemble that remark! :-)

Matauri - I will be printing that in some beautiful poster size presentation and putting it up over the computer. Quite similar to the "when she does something bad, she's YOUR daughter - when she's wonderful, she's MINE" concept.

JMac

[minstrel]

MikMik - only one comment:
Canadians do not pluralize "beer". ie. "I had a couple beer last night" as opposed to "So many beers, so little time."

Defending mikmik again (where would he be without me?), I thought it was Americans who said "beer" as a plural - I always say "beers" if it's more than one. Then again, I was born in England - maybe that's a British thing...

[rocky1]

Defending mikmik again (where would he be without me?), I thought it was Americans who said "beer" as a plural - I always say "beers" if it's more than one. Then again, I was born in England - maybe that's a British thing...

Not an American thing Minstrel. Or, at least not in any of the beer joints I've hung out in, and Lord knows that's a bunch of them!

I would add however that it can be dependent upon the quantity consumed. If it were too many to count, it becomes singular in plural state! "So much beer!"...rather than so "So many beers!" (i.e. "I drunk so much beer last night, it hurts my head to try and count it all." As opposed to, "I musta drank 25 beers last night to feel this close to death this morning.")

Rocky

[Greyhawk]

Actually all the reasons the ladies gave could have been given by the men but they figured it was already common knowlage.


Greyhawk

[carbonize]

Surely after a few beers you're going to be to inebriated to care about your English.

[matauri]

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

My computer last night must have been a male!!

Even after I did the thinking for it, it still sat there & gave me a blank look ;-)


Cindy

[minstrel]

My computer last night must have been a male!! Even after I did the thinking for it, it still sat there & gave me a blank look
How can you not admire Cindy? She just keeps on keeping on, tireless, incorrigible, no matter what... it must have been her exposure to those Kanata winters - toughened her up :-)

*pats her on the head and then quickly ducks trying to avoid that killer right hand*

[minstrel]

By coincidence, I received this from my female niece (as opposed to the male variety) today:

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport and it is not a challenge. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. We will do the driving. We don't know why it has to be that way. It just does.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. Okay, it's true: we don't even remember what we said to you yesterday, unless it was something about cars or sports.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. It's one of the laws of nature - all primates do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really. Yes, you look fine in that - you looked fine in the other one - you looked fine in the one you showed us half an hour ago.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as basketball, the shotgun formation, sports cars, socket wrenches, or girls on trampolines.

1. Please don't ask us if we think you've gained weight (or lost weight as the case may be). We have no idea, really - all we know is that we can't see the game and that whatever we answer will be wrong.

1. You have enough clothes - that's why my track pants are hanging on the chair - there's no more room in the closet.

1. You have too many shoes. That's why the green ones are sitting on top of my track pants.

1. I AM in shape - round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but you know what? Men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[rocky1]

Pardon me... I resemble that remark!

Loved rule #1. Which 1? Well....Let's start with the first 1.

Do you mean to tell me that the toilet seat thing is common to all places where they have indoor plumbing? I always thought that idiosyncrasy common only to US women who had too few problems occupying their lives.

Do women all over the world put those fuzzy toilet seat and tank covers on, so that men have to stand beside the toilet on one foot, whilst holding the lid up with other and trying to urinate? A fellow has to be a blasted circus acrobat to pee these days!

As for gender of my computer being male or female, mine is definitely female. It cost entirely to much to begin with. It gets extrememly temperamental about once a month, and thus you have to spend a day or two stroking and carressing it, to get it over it's ill behaviour. And, it eternally thinks it's output exceeds my input, and that I in no way contribute to the end result, that I only force it to work too hard in search of one.

Rocky

[kiumars]

Very nice, never thought about it this way. After reading your comments, started to look all over my computer to find a sign whether it is a woman or man. NADA, not a single indication to prove its gender to me. I stepped back and stared at my screen for about a minute and then shout loudly “WHO ARE YOU? “ Then a sign popped op on my screen “Hey, Kiumars I am the GOD “I have created you, you are my freak. I am the answer to all your questions; all you have to do is to keep searching. You should follow my instructions, if you don’t, your life will become hell miserable. I gave you food, and can take it away from you if you stay a day from my sight. I give you hundreds of warnings per day, and show you thousands of shortcuts to make your life either easier or more difficult. I sent you Photoshop bible but you never practiced. I watch all my freaks through spy-wares but you can’t see me. I gave you viruses to make a point, and you still use anti-virus instead of praying. When the whole world is connected, you suddenly go disconnected and work off-line, how do you explain yourself? And, how dare you questioning my gender? Do you believe in heaven Kiumars? You better not, because I am going to send you right into the hell next to Bill Gate and Macromedia folks who made tones of money behind my neck.

Well, my friends, it seems I am going to hell, but promise to keep my communication with you through this Forum regardless of how hot my computer will become over there.

Best wishes, and, don’t mess with your computer. The God is watching you. Unless you are on Mac.

Kiumars

[matauri]

How can you not admire Cindy? She just keeps on keeping on, tireless, incorrigible, no matter what... it must have been her exposure to those Kanata winters - toughened her up :-)

*pats her on the head and then quickly ducks trying to avoid that killer right hand*

LOL.... between you & Mik a gals head might swell! Tho I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve it all ! But whatever it is... I can live with it ;-)
(damm...where's a pin when you need one!)

Kanata winters....buried under 2m of snow for months on end....erkkkkkk ! I'll leave the shovelling of snow to you guys...I'll just sit back and enjoy my summer & the beach ;-)

Tho I'm not quite sure about the Queen Incorrigible crown ! I think we should pass that one over to Mik ;-)
(which by no means insinuates that Mik is a queen) ;-)

(edit: Did my hubby write that list of rules ?? :-P )

Cindy

[mikmik]

sheila contends:
Tho I'm not quite sure about the Queen Incorrigible crown ! I think we should pass that one over to Mik ;-)
(which by no means insinuates that Mik is a queen) ;-)
Thanks, but you are right, I am not a queen, I don't even have any ancestors that were royalty..oh..

Thanks, but you are right, I am not a queen, I am virtually genderless by now because it has been so long that I don't see the point anymore. More like Kiumars computer, I might add - genderless. And look up the meaning of 'mike'!

Also: beer, beers. I don't know, but I do know - "It's the thought that counts!" (now after seeing it in print It is a joke...and a pun). rocky1 has the syntax down, ie:
I would add however that it can be dependent upon the quantity consumed. If it were too many to count, it becomes singular in plural state! "So much beer!"...rather than so "So many beers!" (i.e. "I drunk so much beer last night, it hurts my head to try and count it all." As opposed to, "I musta drank 25 beers last night to feel this close to death this morning.")

And -
Defending mikmik again, seems that, minstrel, I do rely on poeple of your professional ilk for the majority of my support, would that be the job of the 'ego' or the 'super ego', should they function properly?

[minstrel]

sheila contends:
:-) that "sheila" bit is funny...


would that be the job of the 'ego' or the 'super ego', should they function properly?
ego - although technically that's part of you and therefore your job... the superego is the part that insists you have to be perfect, flawless, totally virtuous, etc., and tries to punish you with intolerable guilt when you can't comply - the id, meanwhile, is calling the superego names and demanding its toys back as well as all the toys of the guy next door AND a better supper (and no spaghetti sauce!) - then your ego steps in and says (to the superego and the id), "all right! that's enough! if you two boys cann't play nicely, one of you is going to have to go home!"

Freud 101 (colloquial version) :-)

[LauraB]

I am not sure I should be having this much fun at work on a Monday!

The rules were great! Enjoyed the Larry, Daryl, and Daryl quote.

Must return to work, but will deffinetly pass the rules on to my nephew ... maybe it's best that I don't! He already thinks that noise is true! Probably best for him that he doesn't see them confirmed in print!

[Greyhawk]

I stepped back and stared at my screen for about a minute and then shout loudly “WHO ARE YOU? “ Then a sign popped op on my screen “Hey, Kiumars I am the GOD “I have created you, you are my freak. I am the answer to all your questions; all you have to do is to keep searching. You should follow my instructions, if you don’t, your life will become hell miserable. I gave you food, and can take it away from you if you stay a day from my sight. I give you hundreds of warnings per day, and show you thousands of shortcuts to make your life either easier or more difficult. I sent you Photoshop bible but you never practiced. I watch all my freaks through spy-wares but you can’t see me. I gave you viruses to make a point, and you still use anti-virus instead of praying. When the whole world is connected, you suddenly go disconnected and work off-line, how do you explain yourself? And, how dare you questioning my gender? Do you believe in heaven Kiumars? You better not, because I am going to send you right into the hell next to Bill Gate and Macromedia folks who made tones of money behind my neck.
Kiumars

There we have it prove computers are female they keep reminding us how happy we should be since they entered our lives, try to seperate us from our outside lives, and think that they are god. What more prove do we need?

Greyhawk

[Greyhawk]

ego - although technically that's part of you and therefore your job... the superego is the part that insists you have to be perfect, flawless, totally virtuous, etc., and tries to punish you with intolerable guilt when you can't comply - the id, meanwhile, is calling the superego names and demanding its toys back as well as all the toys of the guy next door AND a better supper (and no spaghetti sauce!) - then your ego steps in and says (to the superego and the id), "all right! that's enough! if you two boys cann't play nicely, one of you is going to have to go home!"

Freud 101 (colloquial version) :-)

And here I thought that was the job of my ex mother-in-law.

Greyhawk

[acornwebworks]

I, too, loved the computer gender and Darryl jokes. They were funny. But there's some meanness in some of the other stuff. That's the point where 'bashing' people stops being funny, where stereotyping is simply anger in disguise.

Don't you think everyone should feel comfortable in a break room?

Kendall "The Spoilsport"

[matauri]

But there's some meanness in some of the other stuff. Don't you think everyone should feel comfortable in a break room?

Sorry you feel that way acorn...but there isn't a mean bone in this thread...all is said in jest with each other :-)


There we have it prove computers are female they keep reminding us how happy we should be since they entered our lives, try to seperate us from our outside lives, and think that they are god. What more prove do we need?

hmmm...9 months trying to get out, then rest of lives trying to get back in....sounds like a religion to me ;-)


sheila contends:
<<< makes mental to keep Mik away from Aussie movies ;-)


Cindy

[minstrel]

ego - although technically that's part of you and therefore your job... the superego is the part that insists you have to be perfect, flawless, totally virtuous, etc., and tries to punish you with intolerable guilt when you can't comply - the id, meanwhile, is calling the superego names and demanding its toys back as well as all the toys of the guy next door AND a better supper (and no spaghetti sauce!) - then your ego steps in and says (to the superego and the id), "all right! that's enough! if you two boys cann't play nicely, one of you is going to have to go home!"

Freud 101 (colloquial version) :-)
And here I thought that was the job of my ex mother-in-law.
:-) I love it... can I quote you next time I have to teach a class on Freud? :-)

[minstrel]

But there's some meanness in some of the other stuff. Don't you think everyone should feel comfortable in a break room?

Sorry you feel that way acorn...but there isn't a mean bone in this thread...all is said in jest with each other :-)
It's true... we only insult people we know have already insulted us and therefore can't take offence/offense :-)


hmmm...9 months trying to get out, then rest of lives trying to get back in....sounds like a religion to me ;-)
I don't get it... (points to halo)



sheila contends:
<<< makes mental to keep Mik away from Aussie movies
Trying to imagine what "makes mental" even means and at the same time thinking, "Surely ("and don't call me Shirley" - Brittany tagline), she isn't trying to suggest she hasn't been to dinner parties with Crocodile Dundee?"

[mikmik]

sheila a.k.a. matauri :
hmmm...9 months trying to get out, then rest of lives trying to get back in....sounds like a religion to me ;-)
Is that Freud I hear laughing in the background?

[mikmik]

A Very Special Dictionary

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under a car's hood. For a male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
BUTT (but) n. Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes ''look bigger.'' Male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.

[matauri]

Trying to imagine what "makes mental" even means and at the same time thinking, "Surely ("and don't call me Shirley" - Brittany tagline), she isn't trying to suggest she hasn't been to dinner parties with Crocodile Dundee?"

'Makes mental' = makes mental note (slack slang) :-)

And....I actually used to know the 'real' Croc Dundee. He was Rodney Ansell, a Northern Territorian who for some reason snapped & shot up a hospital before shooting a cop. He died in a shoot out in 1999 with cops, but not before he followed their footsteps for a long time while they tracked him. He had lost his station (ranch or huge farm- 250sq km) and had fallen on hard times. Some said he was mixed up in a drug ring, but that was never proved, tho he was a pot head.

(there's ya aussie history lesson for the day) :-)


Is that Freud I hear laughing in the background?

No..its his wife ! ;-)


Cindy

[rocky1]

Not sure whether the Pro-nuns-eeee-a-shun or the definitions are better in that MikMik dictionary, but I've got to find me one of those.
~~ LOL ~~


No..its his wife ! ;-)

Great minds apparently think alike, I had truly contemplated the same smart remark regarding that one!

Thought for the day ~~ MikMik = Mick Dundee? ~~ Crocodile Dundee IV - I Took My Laptop For A Walk About North of the Border!

Of course come to think about it, you played that role before "Sheila the Incorrigible" didn't you Cindy? }:~)


Rocky

[minstrel]

'Makes mental' = makes mental note (slack slang)

Ohhhh... I was way off: I was picturing you running aroung, hopping up and down and making strange gesticulations, sorta like Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys - i.e., acting crazy to scare Mik away...

[rocky1]

'Makes mental' = makes mental note (slack slang)

Ohhhh... I was way off: I was picturing you running aroung, hopping up and down and making strange gesticulations, sorta like Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys - i.e., acting crazy to scare Mik away...

Now that is a spooky picture!

I mean, anyone thinking they could scare Mik away with such behaviour!

Rocky

[matauri]

well...you were only a few hours out....coz thats what I have been doing now ! (j/k) I'll say it once, I'll say it a million times....I hate computers! Dont mind me, just me & my stupid script again ;-)

I am sitting here feeling like that nutty scientist in 'back to the future'. My poor comp has been stripped back to just the frame & a mass of wires hanging out in an attempt to keep it from overheating too much in this heat.

I think now is a good time to start thinking of air conditioning maybe. (thinks) holiday or air con? hmmm...tough choice :-(


Of course come to think about it, you played that role before "Sheila the Incorrigible" didn't you Cindy? }:~)

I'm still not sure how I got that crown! ;-P
And I thought I passed that on to Mik now ;-)


Cindy

[mikmik]

Sorry, mat, what was that you said before you spoke?

[Greyhawk]

:-) I love it... can I quote you next time I have to teach a class on Freud? :-)

Of course you can.

Greyhawk

[tertius]

Sorry you feel that way acorn...but there isn't a mean bone in this thread...all is said in jest with each other :-)

Cindy

Or phrased differently, all is said "jest in pun"???

(oops...been hanging around the puns thread waiting for more, to wit, punishment...)

[EJRS.COM]

SEX OF A COMPUTER

< Mod Edit: Poll added to Matauri's original post from November>

< Guess it's time to get those polling fingers limbered up!! Mod Edit ends!>

[christoefar]

Well that all makes sence, I think my computer is female, I don't no why, but it is?!?lol

O wait, my computer is female as I keep finding files link log.txtand backup.baklol

[EJRS.COM]

What on earth have I started here???

Hahaha. I thought this was about sex of a computer...
but we've gone into beer and toilets too?
Well, then again it could all be related..

[paulhiles]

LOL!! that was due to my merging of the two threads...the original post was made in November last year back by Matauri (aka Cindy) - oh such a long time ago! ;o) Yours was an identical post, but with the addition of a Poll.. hence the merge! But you're right, it's a weird old mix! :o)

Paul

[EJRS.COM]

matauri's post? what's the string?

[paulhiles]

matauri's post? what's the string?
No string involved.. just two threads! :o) Thread is just another word for a topic.. when a topic has posts made in reply to it... it becomes a thread. I hope that makes some sense! ;o)

Paul

[matauri]

But you're right, it's a weird old mix! :o)

Your not wrong! That was a real doozy of a loop! ;-)


Cindy

[greeneagle]

Depends on the Make and Op System!

My HP with Windows ME is FEMALE.
My Dale with XP-Pro is MALE.

Hope this helps sort "things" out!

Ken

[EJRS.COM]

This user is wired/weird :)

[ronniethedodger]

=)

[greeneagle]

~~~~~~~~~~~~>>>>>>>>>>>)...leaving only the vapour of virtual technical smoke!

Maybe These Will Help!
http://www.mountaineagleweb.com/Sidebar/BC1.jpg
Ken

[paulhiles]

LOL!! Ah now the smoke has cleared and the veils have been lifted! I can see clearly now the rain has gone, etc!

They look like the perfect couple Ken! :o)

Paul

[mikmik]

How big is Dales hard drive?

(I notice that the female dreams of 3D pipes in her sleep)

[greeneagle]

He's loaded for bear!
Never a headache with XP-Pro!
Never as moody as her (ME).
He can charge thru several "applications" at once!
Always ready to go - Never Sleeps!

[greeneagle]

There probably should have been 5-10 more choices in the original poll. Thank God it's a family forum.

[pete61uk]

My computer, when in a good mood, is very very good. When in a bad mood, its very very bad. It defies consistent gender-designation so must be a hermaphrodite? And its age (measured in hertz) can only be guessed at (within limits) from clues provided when it owns up to its processor speed.

[EJRS.COM]

http://www.webproworld.com/viewtopic.php?t=12218

http://www.webproworld.com/viewtopic.php?t=12214

What are your views on this? Love to hear what you guys have up your sleeves ... apart from armpit hair :)

[mikmik]

I think this : http://annoyances.org/exec/show/article09-132

[mikmik]

Computer Woman - Computers
Rated 3.74 out of 10 on the funny scale by Funnybox visitors.

SERVER woman: She's always busy when you need her, and she "serves" a LOT of people. She's constantly on the internet, and doesn't care at all about who she talks to.

WINDOWS woman: The most popular woman, even though everyone knows that she can't do a thing right. As soon as you commit to her, everything goes wrong.

DOS woman: Everyone has had her at least once, but no one wants her anymore.

VIRUS woman: Also known as "wife"; when you are not expecting her to, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, but if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

SCREENSAVER woman: She is not worth anything, but at least she's fun, and you can change her every now and then. She'll do what you want, for the most part, but gets NOTHING done. She's just a pretty face that you can look at, but never touch.

HARD-DISK woman: She remembers everything forever, except the REALLY important stuff that always seems to get lost when you turn your back on her for a second.

MICROSOFT woman: She wants to have domination over all the men she meets, and she tries to convince them that this is the best thing for them. She will do the best she can to make you fight against other women, and she promises you that you will have everything you want if you will give her your address book. Before you figure it out, she will be the only one in your life... it will even come to the day when you will need her permission to open your refrigerator or start your car.

CPU woman: From outside, she looks like she has everything, but in reality, she's nothing without your cache.

E-MAIL woman: Out of every ten things she says, eight are B.S..

MACINTOSH woman: Does it right, makes it easy, asks very little of you. She's bright and colorful. But nobody will go out with her.

AOL woman: When she was young she had a lot of potential. Everyone thought she'd be a star. Then she started hanging out with the wrong crowd and lost it all. Now she's in rehab on 24 hour on suicide watch, and it's sad.