Poetic Justice?

[Brittany]

Hey everyone,

On Friday, I asked members to submit Google-themed poetry for a chance at having their site featured on Page One. My example poem was:


'Twas the night before the Update and throughout cyberspace

Spiders were crawling and leaving their trace

Wemasters had optimized their sites with care

In hopes that the Googlebot soon would be there...

Okay, so I'm no poet. I'll keep my day job... ;)

I received five submissions and I'd like your help in choosing a winner! Because some contestants asked to remain anonymous, I'll be posting all of the poems here. Simply reply to this thread and tell me which ones you like the best!

Thanks,

Brittany

[Brittany]

Google, Google how's my site?
worked so hard both day and night;
achieved a top listing as high as a kite
but now my listing is not in sight.

now we finished a whole better display
our site is ready, come back today
it's now much better for visitors and bots
our new design's great, we like it a lot

now if it turns out, our friendship's lost
i have a new friend called Microsoft
Google, Google, you are my friend
please don't let our friendship end.

I have a solution called all the web,
but you are the one's that always led,
fix your filters and make me shine
and I'll be your friend again through time;)

[Brittany]

Everything was all in there.

My sister's dish. My hubby’s chair.

The golfing balls for Uncle Mac.

My fancy suite in white and black..

Then “Error”, “Send Report”, “Shut down!”

My Christmas list was cyber-ground.

Instead lines of “O’s” and “1’s”

There was no data. Nothing! NONE!

Control plus Alt and plus Delete!

I tried it all and then repeated.

Fretting to remember all?

‘Twas then I heard the wine glass call.

I’ll start over in the morn.

Outlast this pause that’s ether-born..

I awoke next day to sunlight’s furry.

[Brittany]

As I stare at my monitor in a hypnotic state,
For my next issue of WebPro, I patiently wait.
My website vanished with Google's recent update,
Will Brittany and Garrett help me change my fate?

I've invested so much of my time, heart, and soul,
But search engine visibility is out of my control.
Get Links! Don't spam! Great content, they say,
It mattered not to Google, much to my dismay.

At least we have a new design we'll unveil soon,
And with new text and tags, it's very fine tuned.
I'll settle for a page rank no less than ten!
But realistically, I would consider a six a big win.

The search engines fool us, and they have every right,
But it gets personal... don't mess with my site!
Don't be fooled, We've not yet begun to fight!
More Links, no spam, change content, Goodnight.

[Brittany]

Twas the Week Before Christmas and all through our site,

Not a creature was stirring, except FiSh that nite!

The threads we had posted with such loving care,

In hopes that Web Shoppers soon would be there!


I was all snuggled down in my bed,

With my laptop on my tummy and a pillow under my head,

Was looking through Amazon for some deals to post,

When with a SIZZLE my laptop was toast!


We had 100 people waiting that nite,

For FiSh to find them the gift that was exactly right!

I couldnt help him my puter was toast,

What kind of bargain would FiSh find to post?


When out in the yard I hear a huge THUNK,

It sounded like someone was trashing my truck!

I ran to the window and pulled open the blind,

(All the while still trying to get back online!)

The yard was all dark, as I undid the locks,

When suddenly I see a HUGE brown and blue box!


The moon was shining as bright as hell,

And I knew in an instant - THAT was a DELL!

I ran into the yard, and straight into Saint Nick,

And I said, "Santa, mate, let me show ya a trick!"


We hooked up that Dell and we surfed to our site,

www.CrazyCoolDealz.com was glowing so bright!

"Look here, mate," I told Santa so dear;

"We could have got you the Deal of the Year!

We had this same Dell on our site in November,

It was only $200 after rebates - I remember!"


Santa sat down heavily on the side of my bed,

He heaved a huge sigh, and he shook his head.

"The next time I'll know to look at your site!

I'll use a coupon, a code and you'll treat me right!

CrazyCoolDealz can save me some dough,

So from this night on, thats where I will go!"


He sprang out my window, and ran straight to his sleigh,

He said, "I want to hurry and get home right away!"

"I've got a lot more shopping to do,

And a lot of money to save, thanks to you!"

And I heard him say as away he flew with a wave,

"Merry Christmas to ALL, CrazyCoolDealz is THE place to save!"

[Brittany]

‘Twas the month before Christmas, and all was in place

For old St.Google to commit a disgrace

The pages were mad for the spiders with care

With the hope that Christmas profits, soon would be theirs



The hard drives were humming, all snug in their bays

While visions of shoppers danced in their relays

Mamma in her kerchif and I in my cap

Had just settled down for a long winters nap



When out on the network there arose such a clatter

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter

Away to the computer I flew in a flash

Turned on the power & waited for my password to hash



The glare of my monitor on the new made pages

Showed the beginnings of a debate that would rage through the ages

When there in my logs who should appear

But a big angry spider, and three things it had brought to steal Christmas cheer



With a giant task master so angry and mean

I knew in an instant, Google had come to my machine

More rapid than eagles, his reasons they came

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name



“Now Froogle! Now AdSense! Now AdWords! Be quick!

We have a Christmas to steal and rankings to kick!”

All was in shambles as the new IPO came
The Grinch who stole Christmas,
had Google for a name

[Brittany]

There you are... I realize a few of them strayed off-topic but they were all too good not to share with you! ;)

[minstrel]

My favourite is: "Everything was all in there..."

I've always been a sucker for that Dr. Suess look-and-feel... ;o)

[bubbasmurf]

There all good but I like (Everything was all in there) the best.

[ronniethedodger]

I also would like to put a vote in for "Everything was all in there".

Actually, I loaded the pages on my server and they were just now indexed by Google. When I did a search for WPW Poetic Justice...that is the one that popped up in number one result. So count this post as two votes, one from me and one from Google !!! ;-)

Okay...okay...I made all of that up. =)

[godzilla]

Even if "Everything was all in there" is not really in the Google thing it is still the best and I love it!
Could I post it on my website???What do you think, Brittany?

[spiderbait]

Sorry to differ from the crowd ... (well, actually I guess I'm not really sorry at all since I seem to do it so often, but back to the point)... I liked St. Google's Disgrace the best.


“Now Froogle! Now AdSense! Now AdWords! Be quick!

[Ciolkowski]

Did you see Google today? How sad that could be! Due to resent events I clearly can feel their sense of humor... check this out : http://www.google.ca/doodle7.html

Here it goes:

Dear Google,
I don't think I like you anymore...
You used to watch me smile,
now all you do is stare at the floor.
Oh, Dear Google,
I don't like you anymore.

It used to be you and me
... my 486,and a Web Pro magazine...
That's all we needed to get by.
Now it seems things have changed.
And I think that you are the one to blame.
Dear Google, I don't like you any more!

Google says:
Dear SEO....
I don't think I like you anymore...
'Cuz when you get exited,
You put my bot in places he's never been before.
Dear SEO,
I don't like you anymore!

Seo says:
Why can't we just get a grip
On our man to hand relationship
And come to terms with truly how we feel...
If we put our heads together
We'd just stay home forever
In my little, 500 sq meters home...

Dear Google !!! I think I like you after all !!!
Marry X-mass.

[ronniethedodger]

I like it !!!

I noticed that you posted this in the Poetic Justice thread too. Some may view this a late-night last-ditch effort to stuff the ballot box...hehehe ;0)

So --- monkey see, monkey do time.

Googlebot, googlebot
where do you crawl?
Why does my site
always seem to stall?

You claim to be just,
you claim to be right
Why does my site
ever get some light?

Throw me a crumb,
throw me a bone.
Why is my site
sitting here alone?

I cry now at night,
and never to the bank.
For now I am broke,
and only you to thank.


Actually, for the record, I did submit this poem last Friday to Brittany on the same day that she asked to have submissions mailed to her in her Page One article on that day. ;0)

[amberstar702]

I liked all the poems but my favorite is:

'Twas the month before Christmas and all was in place'

plus I also like Ronnie's poem - he shoots straight from the hip.

Regards,

[ronniethedodger]

I liked all the poems but my favorite is:

'Twas the month before Christmas and all was in place'

plus I also like Ronnie's poem - he shoots straight from the hip.

Regards,

I am with you 50% amberstar !!! ;0)

[Tubby]

'Google google on the wall
What's my fairest page of all'

Your 'chev parts' page - that once I rated.
seems older now, a bit outdated.
But the 'Ford parts', upgrade you have done
makes it closer now - to number one.

Google Google on the wall ......... Yeah... I knew that !

[tiffyk1980]

I must say, I liked St. Google's discrase.

Great job everyone.

Tiffany

[luvdavy]

Well, I'm disappointed. I sent in my poem that week and you lost it or something...I didn't get the mail returned, though. So now, 4 days too late, I'll post it myself...:-)

A Google Christmas

Twas the month before Christmas in 2003,
And all through the land Google helped sell for free.
Til the morning that Florida's Dance came about...
and the merchants and webmasters woke with a shout!

My page rank! My placement! They cried in despair.
My keywords! My website! They're no longer there!
Newspapers! Governments! Weather! What's this???
Google is BROKEN! And I have been dissed!

It's a month before Christmas! You can't do this now!
I worked and I spammed for this perfect cash cow!
You owe me! I loved you, they cried out in vain,
We know that you did this for your selfish gain!

Why should I buy Adwords? I'm smaller, you see...
And all of the searchers were searching FOR ME!
The crying grew louder...and Google was mute.
The godhead refused to discuss the dispute.

As Christmas grew closer, the merchants proclaimed
that Yahoo and Gates' engines could rise again.
You'll fall just like they did from greed and you'll find
that the ones who did make you can break you in kind!

But Google continued with their secret plans
And Adwords put dollars in all of their hands.
When Christmas arrived with its tinsel and hype,
The webmasters growled and continued to type...

And they tightened their budgets and sold anyway,
While the searchers still searched and continued to pay.
Santa came with his laptop and Bill Gates did hear...
"Merry Christmas to all! MSN Search next year!"

There....my voice is heard...LOL.

Jan

[minstrel]

Nicely done, Jan - and not a single word about Davy... ;o)

Unfortunately, I think this thread was where we were supposed to vote - the actual submissions were done to an earlier deadline, if I remember correctly...

[Brittany]

I sent in my poem that week and you lost it or something...

luvdavy, Thanks for sharing your poem! It's much better than anything I could've come up with, lol! I checked through all my emails and was unable to find yours -- but I did come across this excellent submission by Jim Hedger:


T'was the week before Christmas and all through the office,
Not a creature was coding, not even the bosses,
The staffs' stocking feet were propped on their neighbour's chair,
In the hopes that their managers simply don't care.

The servers were nestled up high in their racks, all safe behind firewalls, in case of attack.
Ross in his jammies with rum in his cup, had just settled down to toast his good luck.
When suddenly the phones erupted with clatter, Ross sprang to the office to see what was the matter.
Over to his computer he flew like a flash, only to witness Google's great crash.

The Florida Update, like fast falling crap, had spammed out the listings and made us look bad.
And what, to his wondering eyes should appear, but a bunch of affiliate links selling cheap gear.
With midi music drivers and bangles and bongs, the spam sites abounded, exploded beyond,
Reasonable expectations of Google users, advertisers and such,
All Ross could say was "Gosh, how this sucks".

We had a problem, Ross thought at that time, something shared with everyone working online.
If Google is broken what would we do, our clients will blame us and they'll feel Scrooged!
More rapid than instant messaging generally allows, Ross called in the staff to figure it out.
The algo at Google has changed for the worse, they've taken submissions and turned out a curse,
Is it a filter, an algo, a joke or a blip? Whatever the cause, we need answers quick!

The staff got together and thought about where,
To conduct our good business, which is based on free air,
On Teoma, AltaVista, Lycos and Jeeves, Yahoo AOL MSN, Espotting and these,
Are not the only options, that's just absurd, We'll recommend Overture and even AdWords.

Jim's checking Google at least once an hour, he's pulling his hair out and wearing a scowl,
Scott's writing ad copy while Dave's selling plans, Ross is researching to see if we can,
Reverse engineer Google's Florida stew, before other listings start to fall through.

When from Jim's office the staff heard him laughing, uproariously giggling jumping and dancing,
"I think it's a mistake, misstep or a bug, Google had a major hole they were trying to plug,
If I'm wrong we are no worse off than anyone else, Google won't update before January 12th.
But if I'm right, we save clients some worry and we can tell them their listings will return in a hurry,
As soon as Google updates itself, the world should be normal and products will sell!"

Perhaps this will teach us that one basket is sound, provided the carrier has both feet on the ground.
Maybe search users will start trying the rest since Google keeps proving it isn't the best
In the end it should work out, we hope for the right,
'Till then, Merry Christmas to all after Florida's big byte



I think this thread was where we were supposed to vote - the actual submissions were done to an earlier deadline, if I remember correctly...

True, but it's still very interesting reading what people come up with! ;)

Thanks to everyone who submitted their poetry!

[luvdavy]

I sent in my poem that week and you lost it or something...

luvdavy, Thanks for sharing your poem! It's much better than anything I could've come up with, lol! I checked through all my emails and was unable to find yours -- but I did come across this excellent submission by Jim Hedger:


I sent it in the very night I saw the entry thing in the newsletter...still have the email, too. I sent it to bthompson@ientry.com Was that right?

To Minstrel...a change...
Merry Christmas to all, Have a DAVY New Year!
LOL

Jan