Things that make you go hmmmm

[vfaulkner]

Internet Axioms

1. Home is where you hang your @.
2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C:\ is the root of all directories.
8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Windows will never cease.
18. Virtual reality is its own reward.
19. Modulation in all things.
20. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
21. There's no place like home.com.
22. Know what to expect before you connect.
23. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
24. Speed thrills.
25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

[wenwilder]

Minstrel you inspired this thread. While I sit back, many times, and go huh??? when reading posts in the break room, there are just as many times that I go hmmmmmmmmm and really have to think.

Sooo....I thought I'd post some hmmm's.

Things that make you go hmmm....

-----------------------------------------------------

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Would yelling "MOVIE" in a crowded firehouse have the same affect as yelling "FIRE" in a crowded movie house?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

How do a fool and his money GET together?

How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?

How come there aren't B batteries?

How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?

Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

[rocky1]

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

If you took all of the dirt out of all the potential holes in the world, wouldn't there only be one hole?

If you took all of the dirt out of all the potential holes in the world, how would you know it was a hole?

If you took all of the dirt out of all the potential holes in the world, where would you pile it?

If you piled the dirt up, wouldn't you be filling holes in, wherein there would again remain potential holes for you to take dirt out of?

Assuming you found someplace other than earth to pile the dirt, and you took all of the dirt out of all the potential holes in the world, what would you stand on to remove the last shovel full?

If you took all the dirt out of all the potential holes in the world, and you stepped off that last shovel full of dirt to remove it from the hole, and you fell..... Would you fall into the hole, or would you fall out of the hole?

If you fell into the hole, could you throw the last shovel full of dirt back in and have something to stand on?

How would you know which direction to throw the dirt to stop your fall?

If you were falling out of the hole, wouldn't you have to throw the dirt over your head to stop your fall? Or, would you still throw it under your feet?

Would you still be falling out of the hole, while falling down; which would theoretically be falling into the hole until you reached the middle of the hole, and thereafter it would be falling up and out of the hole?

How would you know where the middle of the hole was if there was no dirt around it?

How can you fall up?

Would there even be a hole, if there were no dirt left? Wouldn't that simply be nothing, wherein you really didn't have a hole after all.

If the end result was nothing, was there ever really a hole to begin with?

And last, but certainly not least! How would you keep water from running into the hole? Or... Would it run out of the hole????

[wenwilder]

Hey Rocky! MVP????? Congrats! :)

[rocky1]

Holy MVP Status Batman! When did that arrive?

[minstrel]

Huh?

What did I miss?

Yikes! What year is it now?

[flood6]

Hey Rocky! MVP?????

Truly, one of those things that make me go hmmmmmm...kidding.

Oldies but goodies:

Why do we drive on a parkway, but park on a driveway?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

[rocky1]

It was the suit Picture... had to be ...550 posts in a raincoat and cap, and no MVP. Put on the suit and I got it in under a hundred posts! I think there's something to Cindy's theory on changing pictures!

[matauri]

Actually it was all the skin missing off ya knees Rocky! ;-)


Congrats mate....overdue! :-)


Cindy

[mikmik]

1 - wenwilder -
Hey Rocky! MVP????? Congrats! :)
2 - matauri -
Actually it was all the skin missing off ya knees Rocky! ;-)


Congrats mate....overdue! :-)
3(?) - minstrel -
Huh?

What did I miss?

Yikes! What year is it now?
4(??) - flood6 -
Truly, one of those things that make me go hmmmmmm...kidding.
mikmik -
Touchdown! Homerun! He Scores! It was T-H-I-S big!
Pictures, knees, bribes - hey, worked for me! :o) Let me be the ...a...errr..one of the first to congratulate you! Mr MVP sir!

Waiter, two cases of your finest ale. Keep 'em coming every 5 minutes 'till one of us passes out. Then make it every 6. 0<;o)

wen wrote:
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

When I lived in Victoria (coast of BC), I saw a car driving around that had Hawaii plates.

wen wrote:
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

When living in Victoria, I got to a store just as the owner was locking up. I said, "What are you doing? Your sign says 'Open 24 hours'"
He said, "Ya, but not all in a row!"

(What do you call a guy with no arms and no leegs, sitting in a hole? - Phil.)

[minstrel]

I'm just a bit surprised that in Rocky's case it doesn't say MVF...

...unless, now that you have a suit on, you'd prefer the more gentlemanly term "Angler"... :-)

[wenwilder]

If I were asked to enumerate ten educational stupidities, the giving of grades would head the list... If I can't give a child a better reason for studying than a grade on a report card, I ought to lock my desk and go home and stay there.
--Dorothy De Zouche

How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young? ~Paul Sweeney

[bubbasmurf]

Pondering

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

We know what the speed of light is....So what's the speed of dark?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious and I dont know why.....

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

[sonnie]

Found on d-CON mouse and rat poison box.

Caution: May be harmful or fatal if swallowed.

...OK

[wenwilder]

Internet Axioms


12. The geek shall inherit the earth.

20. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

Great truths in small places weren't conceived by machine. ;)

[Jurgen]

25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.


Great truths in small places weren't conceived by machine. ;)

Wouldn't expect anything else from you.... Reading this thread, I was acctually expecting "some" response from your direction..... :-)

Jurgen

:-)

[wenwilder]

Someone once told me that I think to much - what do you think? ;)

Just more thoughts to think about.

Can you be a friend, without having a friend?

Can you cry underwater?

Is crying in the rain really crying or just adding raindrops?

If elephants or pigs could actually fly, would we really want them too?

If the nations teachers played pro-football would they make less than the players? AND if those same teachers played pro-football would we still need metal detectors in the schools?

If meat is so good for us, then why are there more herbivores than carnivores?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
branches?

Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

Is a nightmare a mistake you make while dreaming?

Why isn't a daydream a dream about a day instead of a dream during the day?

How can someone be "spacing-off" if they're still in the same place they were to begin with?

Why did the first person to ask a rhetorical question ask it, if they didn't really want an answer? (That's a rhetorical question, don't ya know? ;) )