The Wisdom of Homer [Archive]

minstrel

11-14-2003, 11:19 PM

"You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, 'Homer, you're a big disappointment', and God bless her soul, she was really onto something."

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, "you're making a scene."

"Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman."

"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things...like love!"

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

"Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!"

"When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie - Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie - Police Academy."

mikmik

11-14-2003, 11:42 PM

Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel

I don't have to be careful! I have a gun!

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out

If the Flintstones have taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.

minstrel

11-14-2003, 11:48 PM

I forgot this one:

"If the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls sports, like foxy boxing and mud wrestling."

(yikes! after I posted this one, I noticed it said it was post #666 - creepy!)

carbonize

11-15-2003, 02:43 AM

"Ah Billy Beer"

"What is mind? no matter. What is matter? Never mind."

rocky1

11-15-2003, 03:13 AM

"If the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls sports, like foxy boxing and mud wrestling."

(yikes! after I posted this one, I noticed it said it was post #666 - creepy!)

Were I you, I would keep a keen eye over my shoulder, for short blonde haired demons bearing gifts of jello, after that!

Rocky

matauri

11-15-2003, 06:20 AM

And coz the All Blacks lost the rugby........

Son, when you participate in sporting events its not if win or loose, but how drunk you get

I must go drown myself in my ale now ;-(

Cindy

paulhiles

11-15-2003, 06:45 AM

Son, when you participate in sporting events its not if win or loose, but how drunk you get
I must go drown myself in my ale now ;-(

"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."

"Ahh, Beer! My one weakness...my Achilles Heel, if you will..."

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

"Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs."

"Homer no function beer well without"

and, when it all starts going horribly wrong...

"Operator, give me the number for 911!"

Paul

wenwilder

11-15-2003, 06:12 PM

Okay, I gotta ask - what's the deal with "Homer"? Everyone quotes him and you can find pictures of him all over, but......why? What's so great about him? He looks like a 'dweeb' (no offense anyone, specially Homer) and his quotes are.......intelligent...ya that's the word. lol But I don't get it!

carju1

11-15-2003, 06:21 PM

Wen,

Yeah I know homer wrote the Illyad and the Oddessy but are quotes about Helen, Paris, Troy and Achillies really relevant now a days?

OK so Helen was the face that launched a 1,000 ships and I know Paul said "Ahh, Beer! My one weakness...my Achilles Heel, if you will..." but I'm sure Minstrels quote of "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." " should have been "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is build a wooden horse."

Duh!

Julian

wenwilder

11-15-2003, 06:25 PM

minstrel

11-15-2003, 06:35 PM

I know he's a cartoon character but in what? A movie? TV show? I'm a movie fan so I'm going to have a guess at it being a TV show - but does he only have a cameo part or? The quotes are funny, I'll give him that, but I'm just trying to find out WHO he is and where a person could learn more or watch, read, whatever.

Wow... I can't believe there is anyone in the western world who hasn't at least heard of The Simpsons, especially someone with children... :-)

Wen, assuming yours was a serious question and not "the blonde making fun of the non-blondes" again, The Simpsons is an animated television series that has been broadcast on Fox for at least 9 years, and probably more. (As I type this, two of my sons are watching the show right now.)

And if you don't know about The Simpsons, I'm willing to bet you don't know anything about South Park either.

carju1

11-15-2003, 06:42 PM

Wow... I can't believe there is anyone in the western world who hasn't at least heard of The Simpsons, especially someone with children... :-)

Wen, assuming yours was a serious question and not "the blonde making fun of the non-blondes" again, The Simpsons is ...... And if you don't know about The Simpsons, I'm willing to bet you don't know anything about South Park either.

Minstrel I think she is taking fun of non-blondes here, We even get the Simpsons in The Netherlands and often all watch it after dinner. The humour level is both adult and children but pitched so beautifully that the adult humour goes over the kids heads. Whilst the Simpsons is a brilliant parody fit for all ages, I must admit I find South Park off-colour and fairly offensive and its definately on the not allowed to watch list for my daughter.

Julian

wenwilder

11-15-2003, 06:51 PM

South Park? You're talking to a person who doesn't watch TV. I'll watch movies, but TV stopped being interesting about ten years ago thanks to my ex-hubby. We're now a family of book enthusiasts who can't spell all the time. :)

I've done what I could to keep my kids AWAY from TV to preserve their sanity....or mine, I'm not sure it's worked though. :)

wenwilder

11-15-2003, 07:08 PM

I have done a little research and discovered the Simpsons official website...........very interesting. I read the characters bio's and I can see why everyone finds them entertaining. Very interesting characters.

Not interesting enough to get me to watch TV, but I now understand a bit better why you all like them and quote Homer.

As for South Park, with Julians description, I think I'll pass on researching them.

Now....back to the quotes! :)

minstrel

11-15-2003, 07:22 PM

South Park can be hilarious, once you get to know the characters a bit.

However, it does at times cross over the line and the themes and language are definitely not for young children. I think, if you'll pardon a gender generalization, that boys and young men are more likey to find it amusing than girls or women.

Greyhawk

11-15-2003, 08:50 PM

South Park was originally made by two Canadian lads from Victoria BC that went to, get this, South Park Public School. Now having said that I think the show and the SP movie are assinign. I think that is how you spell that word.

Same thing goes for Beavis and Butthead. Now Ren and Stimpy, another Canadian creation, there is quality entertainment.

Greyhawk

paulhiles

11-15-2003, 09:32 PM

And so we return to our beloved Simpsons...

"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."

"Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer."

"Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow."

Paul

matauri

11-15-2003, 11:15 PM

However, it does at times cross over the line and the themes and language are definitely not for young children. I think, if you'll pardon a gender generalization, that boys and young men are more likey to find it amusing than girls or women.

Actually...I prefer South Park ! Cartman is my hero ;-)

My family are Simpsons freaks, it plays so many times a day on TV here !

"Without TV it's hard to tell when one day ends and another begins"

Cindy

minstrel

11-16-2003, 12:09 AM

Actually...I prefer South Park ! Cartman is my hero
I can honestly say that you are the first female I have heard say that... :-) I like Cartman too, and the school guidance counsellor ("mkay?")...

My family are Simpsons freaks, it plays so many times a day on TV here
yes... we have satellite tv and my youngest knows how to watch The Simpsons about 6 times a day...

JMac

11-16-2003, 02:10 PM

Hey - just saw this link to The Simpsons celebrating their FIFTEENTH year!
http://tv.zap2it.com/tveditorial/tve_main/1,1002,274|84350|1|,00.html

Wow - they're older than I am... (reference to the "age" thread - of course, I am a teeny bit older than they are but Bart, Lisa and Maggie don't age at all either - I think I'll stop my clock at 15 years ago, too!)

Now GreyHawk, I hate to disagree with you on the origins of South Park - but I have to. The creators of South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, are as American as they come - Matt Stone did an interview with Michael Moore in Bowling for Columbine. Both Parker and Stone were students at Columbine - long before the tragedy there...
I had avoided South Park for the last several years but recently rediscovered my love of the show. It's so cynical, it can only be healthy! :-)) Not for young kids though - I have to agree with everyone here on that one!

Ren and Stimpy, another of my faves (especially before I had kids!) is also not for the younger set... wait... I usually include myself in that "younger set"... I don't even get asked to sit at the "kids' table" at family gatherings anymore! :-( But unless I want to have my little 'uns eating really WRONG stuff, they won't be watching Ren and Stimpy! How awful was that Tooth brushing episode? Yak!!!

Have a great weekend, mmm-kay?

JMac

pete61uk

11-16-2003, 02:37 PM

In a world where political correctness has degenerated from improving the exposure of minority groups into maddness I think South Park is brilliant!

Total anarchic political "in-correctness", often with a very real message.

Over here its only aired after the watershed (when kids should be in bed) so the often ripe language is acceptable

minstrel

11-21-2003, 10:59 AM

Homer Simpson (from the episode where he was teaching a continuing education course on marriage and family):

"What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as 'The process of removing weeds from one's garden.'"

vfaulkner

11-21-2003, 11:18 PM

"Doh!"

"To start, press any key...Where's the any key?" A soundbyte (http://www.vfwds.com/extras/sounds/ANYKEY.WAV)

redcircle

11-22-2003, 02:38 AM

"superhyperglobalmeganet."

WHoohooo.. Beer Beer Beer.. Bed Bed Bed"

"Hey Marge wanna know how many boobie I saw today... fifteen!"

"Dad you did it, you saved us.. "you can't prove I did anything".. no dad you saved us.. "I could do a lot of things if I just had some money"

homer calls up power plant: "Yeah I'm not going to make it in today."
Power Plant: "Well if you don't come in today don't bother coming in tomorrow."
Homer: "whohoo.. 4 day weekend"

minstrel

11-25-2003, 10:24 AM

"I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU." - Abe Simpson

(that one sounds so much like wenwilder, it is scary)

"Being eaten by crocodile is just like going to sleep... in a giant blender." - Homer Simpson

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

JMac

11-25-2003, 01:58 PM

My favorite Homer quote... I use it myself so often that I'd forgotten it was his until I read the "hit any key" quote above - it's from the same episode.

As I often tell the little ones...
"I never should have left the bird in charge."

(He actually says "I never should have left you in charge" but he's talking to {yelling at} the drinking bird that has been doing his job and pressing "return" on his trips up and down.)
When Homer is first introduced to the drinking bird, he freaks out, totally amazed... "It's a bird, and HE'S DRINKING the WATER!"

I think my impress-o-meter hit an all time high with that one.

JMac

Greyhawk

11-25-2003, 06:56 PM

I remember those birds, as a kid I always wanted to get one. I wish I could find them now.

Greyhawk

Greyhawk

11-26-2003, 02:29 AM

My favorite Homer quote is

"I am so smart S.M.R.T."

Greyhawk

minstrel

12-04-2003, 01:31 AM

http://www.psychlinks.ca/misc/anihomer.gif
...singing...

Download the song here: "I am evil Home-er! I am evil Hom-er!" (http://www.psychlinks.ca/misc/evilhomer.wav)

(Brittany - can I have this for my new WPW pic? how 'bout on my birthday? or on Homer's birthday?)

matauri

12-04-2003, 01:54 AM

Brittany - can I have this for my new WPW pic?

<<<< WHERE IS that straight jacket???? >>>>

Brit...please NOOOOOOOOOO ! :-)

Cindy

paulhiles

12-11-2003, 08:20 AM

"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy." ~ Homer

"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation." ~ Homer

"It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone." ~ Homer

Paul