Hello all and thanks in advance for everyone's help.

We wrote an article for our site about Wearing Nipple Jewelry.

I would like a review of this page for content, style and readability and whatever you might think will work better.

If anyone wants to suggest any word-smithing, I will take a look at that too.

Just a heads up.... If you or your community is offended by viewing women wearing body jewelry, please DO NOT click on our link or visit our site. (Our mouthpiece makes us say that!)

Thanks again to all,

Michael

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Non Piercing Nipple Jewelry - All the pleasure and none of the pain! - Body Jewelry

Hey Michael.

It reads and looks like an advertisement rather than an article. Additionally, I seem to get a bit of a mixed message from the theme and the actual text. Your <h1> contains "without the pain" and through out the text you repeatedly mention "pain", "scars", "infection", "holes", etc. You also use words like "clipping", "hangs", "hooks", etc.

A single mention of the potential drawbacks and/or fears of piercing jewelry would be sufficient and softer words like "gently" and "dangles" would work better IMO.

Depending on who you are trying to appeal to, I'd change the descriptive words like "eraser sized" and the mention of "you know who you are" to something a bit more "professional".

Another thing, every single mention, and entire theme is geared exclusively to women. Do you ever sell to men?

Finally, I'd like to see some thumbnail images of the actual "rings" and "hooks" used to attach the jewelry. Your visitors would not only have your descriptions but a means to see for themselves how they work and what they look like.

Dave

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Religious-Jewelry Blog - Deep Link Directory - Religious Jewelry

Would love to review it but my firewall at work blocks the site. I guess thats a credit to the size of the site at least!

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