Looking for the Community Green Light

[dannymw]

Hello all,

My name is Dannielle and I've been receiving the webproworld letter for a while now and I really enjoy the information provided and the sometimes harsh opinions given for some of the website evaluations.

I'm developing my web/print design and marketing company, Mocha Works, Marketing and I have my website up - www.aadriamusic.com/mochaworks. I wanted to put myself on the chopping block so that I can make my website be as effective as it can be - providing great information for those that visit and my clients and eventually creating sales for my company.

Any tips would be appreciated.

Thanks.

Danny

[info202]

this is the message I got when I clicked on your URL

Not Found
The requested URL /mochaworks. was not found on this server.

Additionally, a 404 Not Found error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.

[spiderbike]

the real URL is

http://www.aadriamusic.com/mochaworks/

[Grith - WPW]

Hi Danny,

Wow - that homepage is enough to give anyone a headace even before they have even got started! I don't think I have ever seen any page with as much text on it as yours!

I think you need to sit down and think long and hard about your elevator pitch (this is what you tell people about your business when all you have is quite literally 30 seconds!). This is what should go on your homepage so that when people visit it, it is instantly clear to them what is is you do and what you have to offer them which no-one else can offer them!

I am sure that your business have a lot to offer, but I imagine that what you want, is to give them just enough of a taster to get them interested in giving you a call, so you can arrange to meet with them and give them a more full presentation of your business.

If you want to offer all this information online then by all means do - but don't put it all up on the home page where it'll scare people off rather than draw them in to find out more about you.

So the advice is simple - condense your message, present your USP's (Unique Selling Points) and get rid of all that scary text! A few images to break up the text would not do any harm either.

Hope this is not too dishearting for you!

Good luck.

[niagara1]

I like the name. The overall design's fine. I dislike the verbiage.

What's your USP? (Unique Selling Proposition)

What makes you unique? Why should people do business with you?

The purpose of the homepage is to let people know what you have to offer them in a clear and concise manner.

The article is better suited to a section of articles instead of being the first thing people see on the homepage.

People compare your site to every other one they've ever visited and if it's "unusual" to them, it'll put them off and they may not look deeper.

The stuff you have in graphics at the bottom of the page tells people more about why they should do business with you. Perhaps that can be reformatted to be the primary focus of the page.

"Your never get a second chance to make a first impression - unless you run it by everone on WebProWorld forums!"

Hope that helps.

Mark

[info202]

in addition to all the other comments regarding your choice of text and the bottom "aboutus" (which is not the place for it)...I see other problems you will have.
1. you need to have your own hosting (and domain name), if you want potential clients to take you seriously. If you cannot get your own hosting, you look unprofessional, and if you cannot be professional, how are you going to make any client's site look professional... (the same goes for all the unnecessary text on your index page)... most of the text sounds as if it belongs on a personal site rather than a business one.
2. you site cannot be fully viewed in 800x600... many people are still viewing in that resolution and you need to create a site for (almost) all internet users... If a potential client is viewing in 800x600, you give him/her the impression that you cannot creat a universally viewed site.
3. your google ads on the bottom of the page detract from a professional look.

hope this helps... good luck!

[MarcieZoob]

The first impression of the site is overwhelming - way too much text with zero cell padding so it's hard to read, plus you're using way too many font styles.

I'm trying to figure out why you've created your navigation mouseovers (towards the bottom) that way - why is the word repeated in the mouseover but stretched out and small? It looks more like an error than a style.

Find a better page for all that homepage text and then make something more graphically unique and professional for a better first impression.

Good luck