The truth about Garrett...

Steven Glover · #1 (**permalink**) 02-28-2004, 08:48 PM

I have been attending the WebmasterWorld conference here in my home town of Orlando, Florida the last three days, and although there were many notable items the one that shocked me the most is one that is not for the faint of heart, in fact for their own safety if you have children present please ask them to leave the room.

What could I have possibly found out that has me typing with such a heavy hand?

Take a deep breath and prepare yourself...

Our very own Garrett French is a luddite!

You heard it here first. I met Garrett on the first day, at that time we broke up the sessions so that at least one of us would be in attendance for every session. We then compared notes over lunch. At lunch I noticed how efficient Garrett was with a pen. At this point I became slightly suspicious, and with good reason. We all know that us computer people have nearly lost any ability to write without the assistance of some electronic device. I finally decided that Garrett must have had some form of formal education that has helped him retain his as he calls it "analog" writing ability.

It was on the second day I learned the awful truth. I began to talk to Garrett between sessions. I commented on the fact that they were giving away a palm pilot and he should register for the give away. It was then that Garrett told me that he didn't need a palm pilot. Apparently he doesn’t even have a cell phone or a pager... I ABOUT FELL OVER!

Later he went so far as to say he hoped he won the GoToast toaster they were giving away. I said, "You would rather win a toaster than a Palm Pilot?” to which he replied “of course!”

So I ask any of you with an extra toaster (make sure it doesn't have a digital clock) to send it to Garrett. He apparently needs one very bad.

iEntry, Inc.
C/O Garrett French
880 Corporate Drive
Suite 300
Lexington, KY 40503

Mel · #2 (**permalink**) 02-28-2004, 10:05 PM

ROTFLMAO!

While the ability to successfully manipulate analog writing instruments is, IMO, not clearcut evidence of Luddism, it is often considered by experts to be an early symptom .

I would advise you to continue to carefully monitor the subject, taking note of any other items which may be indicative of this condition such as:

The ability to remember names, dates, addresses and particularly telephone numbers, when the battery on the PDA fails. If time is of the essence, discrete removal of the PDA batteries is an option to acclerate this observation, but should be conducted with care, as PDA failure has been known to provoke uncontrolled and often unpredictable reactions in test subjects.(Note that this test is not conclusive in that small portion of the population who do not own or have access to PDAs, as deprivation of this basic tool of civilization has resulted in the development of a condition known as "memory" in a statistically small portion of the population).

The ability to efficiently use native congenitive functions such as coming to rational conclusions without digital input, and the ability to store and recall data independent of electronic resources.

More important perhaps is if the subject has developed an ability to combine the above functions in such a way that their use is comlimentary.

If you note any of the above symptoms, I would advise that you provide a report on the subject to the nearest CEH (Center for the Electronization of Humanoids) with full details, so that a reprogramming session in accordance with sect B367g.7h (revision 674) may be scheduled at an early date. CEH centers are easily identified by the PalmPilot Logo outside the door.

Note. While not strictly ethical, an expedient alternative to the above may be to rig the Palm Pilot drawing, as there have been several reported cases of the above symtoms decreasing markedly when proper equipment is available.

PS. If you find the above useful and have access to additional Palm Pilots, you can find my contact mail in my profile.

Steven Glover · #3 (**permalink**) 03-01-2004, 12:36 PM

I could try to take out the batteries in his PDA but he doesn't have one.

Is that more proof?

Mel · #4 (**permalink**) 03-02-2004, 01:58 AM

See note in para.3 and contents of para. 4.

Section 6b.347.g1 of the electronization manual describes some situations where this is not considered as evidentuary:

Failure to possess (includes ownership,rental, leasing or borrowing) a PDA is not considered as evidentuary in cases where:

Severe financial constraints and/or restrictive credit ratings effectively prohibit or deny possession.

The hand to keyboard size ratio of the subject relative to an average of the five top selling PDAs is over an absolute value of 1.85.

The subject is visually challenged.

The subject has a history of violent reactions to failures of electronic devices.

Nargule · #5 (**permalink**) 03-02-2004, 02:56 AM

I'm just mad that I didn't win the Palm Pilot OR the toaster. As a matter of fact, no one claimed the Palm after three draws so I think they just took it back home with them. What a sham! I could of used a Palm and I had poker chip in hand waiting to claim it. Contests - who needs them.

As for Garrett, he did have a digital camera on him. As a matter of fact he took my picture for this forum. So he does meet the requirements of carrying at least one digital device.

fathom · #6 (**permalink**) 03-02-2004, 04:18 AM

It's amazing how you get one impression of a person in a forum community and then that first impression is blown away by the personal meeting.

I recall one extremely insightly person at a forum and when I met them they were blind...

And another extremely vocal person (in writing) and they were deaf and mute.

eschulp · #7 (**permalink**) 03-02-2004, 06:08 AM

I am sorry, I always considered WebproWolrd to be THE place for the early adaptors of technology. But to conclude they employ someone that is used to something as pre-civilized as a PENCIL! is too much for me to bare.

I have to take a while to let this settle in and believe me, my coping mechanisms are working overtime here. I'm having extremely painfull flashbacks to my early youth, during which I was forced to use such a tool as a pencil to express myself.

Garrett you have no idea what you've caused, have you no shame ??????? ;-)

Brittany · #8 (**permalink**) 03-02-2004, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steven Glover

So I ask any of you with an extra toaster (make sure it doesn't have a digital clock) to send it to Garrett. He apparently needs one very bad

Might I suggest a toaster.... ;)

Steven Glover · #9 (**permalink**) 03-02-2004, 08:19 PM

Thats brilliant, Brittany

Did you noptice when Garrett had that digital camera out he would grow increasingly nervous, as though it might somehow hurt him?

I'm serious I think Garrett may need an intervention.

computers · #10 (**permalink**) 03-04-2004, 01:13 PM

Garrett,

I applaud you! The use of traditional writting tools is commendable! We have all (or at least most of us) have become way too dependent on digital technology and have very little personal contact. The need of a toaster is far more admirable than the need of a PDA, after all one does need to eat, but, one does not need a PDA to do so!

TrafficProducer · #11 (**permalink**) 03-04-2004, 01:16 PM

Quote:

But to conclude they employ someone that is used to something as pre-civilized as a PENCIL! is too much for me to bare.

Latest portable device

Able to produce fine handwriting, text and graphics. Small cheap and easy to use…

Yes It’s a pen…

Steven Glover · #12 (**permalink**) 03-04-2004, 05:37 PM

I certainly can't understand how one could compare the need of toast to that of a PDA. Without my PDA I would probably forget to eat altogether, not to metion forget to take a bath, take my medicine, buy my wife gifts on special occasions.

Wooopity doo! We have toast! If your lucky you might get some jelly with that! oh... wait sorry no I don't have any toast or jelly I forgot my palm pilot the last time I was at the Grocer!

Brittany · #13 (**permalink**) 03-05-2004, 06:33 PM

Garrett brought a Magic Ask Jeeves 8 ball back from the conference and we just asked:

"Is Garrett afraid of technology?"

The reply:

"Sources point to yes."

The Magic Ask Jeeves 8 Ball has spoken.

Steven Glover · #14 (**permalink**) 03-05-2004, 08:53 PM

Ahh man I want an ask jeeves 8 ball.

I actually collect Magic 8 balls.

I have a bunch of them my favorite is my yoda one :)

Steven Glover · #15 (**permalink**) 03-09-2004, 11:46 AM

I am moving this weekend and I am hoping during my move I can find the toaster we packed away when we got this new one. If I do I will be sending it to Garrett.

Brittany · #16 (**permalink**) 03-17-2004, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steven Glover

I have a bunch of them my favorite is my yoda one :)

A Yoda Magic 8 Ball? No way! I'll trade ya..

Oh... by the way, thanks for the green Pacific Poker chip. It saved me from getting pinched today (lol)

Brittany

digimat · #17 (**permalink**) 03-17-2004, 08:18 PM

<Mod Edit: Comment removed due to violation of the forum rules>

mctwofist · #18 (**permalink**) 03-17-2004, 08:26 PM

Hey,

I resemble that remark. I wear glasses and I have a pen! Whats wrong with guys with glasses and pens?!

You wanna go? Do ya huh?
Bike racks...15 minutes.

Bring your Blackberry notepadbookpad thing.

Yeah, too much time...tooo much time.

and on the 7th day god created geeks

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