How many can you figure out? Unscramble the letters to answer the questions.

Question:
1. What stays hot in the deep freeze?

Letters:
Rats Mud

Hint: One word

Question:
2. How do you fly to the sun without burning up?

Letters:
Thing Goat

Hint: Three words

Question:
3. What do you see on Idaho plates?

Letters:
Pauses of Tomato

Hint: Two words

Question:
4. Who was the bard of Avon?

Letters:
Speak Realism Awhile

Hint: Two words

Question:
5. What can you call the nameless alien hunters?

Letters:
Blank Mince

Hint: Three words

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"Cat washing IS a martial art."
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Rats Mud = mustard

Thing Goat = Go at night! (whew)

Pauses of Tomato =Famous potatoes


Speak Realism Awhile = William Sheakespear

Blank Mince = Men in Black

I got 4!

5/5

Good job Mik!!! ;)

I'm going to have to find some more unless........ anyone else has some they would like to share?

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"Cat washing IS a martial art."
"Remember Today IS Yesterdays Tomorrow"

here is an old one:
Every day a man gets up and goes to work. He lives on the top floor of a 50 (fitty lol) floor apt, and he catches the elevator outside his door and takes it all the way down to the lobby and proceeds with his day. He does this every time he goes out - takes the elevator from his floor all the way down.

But, when he returns home, if he is alone, he ALWAYS takes the elevator up to the 49th floor only, gets out, and walks up the last floor to his suite. The elevator works fine, but he does this even if he has a heavy load to carry.

Why?

He lives on the roof. The elevator does not go to the roof.

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rtd wrote:sounds like a lot of people I know, however, the little guy does not live on the roof, and the elevator goes all the way to his floor, he just doesn't take it there when he is going up, if he is the only person on it.

Is he the elevator operator?

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Okay the dude is married. When he is with someone (most probably his wife or a neighbor) he naturally gets of on the 50th floor.

But if he is alone...then he is gettin' some on the side from some gal on the 49th floor.

I know that is wrong...but it is the only thing I can come up with at this time! Am I even close or getting warm?

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And he likes to walk home from work! ;0)

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No, a shark bit off his hands.

Mik - I am going to shoot you. That is most stupidest dumb assinine story I have ever heard. You ought to be flogged and hung by your thumbs dude.

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Shirley that's not the answer... if it is, as soon as you have him strung up by the thumbs, I'm going to hack off his thumbs...

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I thought that you guys wre pulling MY leg! lol

The answer is that he is a 'little person' and cannot reach the top buttons on the elevator control panel.

He can hit 'Lobby' on the way down, but can only reach as high as the second from top row to go up - hence the 'when he is alone' bit.

Okay, I'll just give up peacefully. What tree should I meet you at?
If I'm not there, start without me. :o)

Book 'im, Dano! errr.... Rono!

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You know I wasn't even here for that one, and it was still BAD!!

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That was about as bad as a Murder She Wrote episode...and Jessica turns and faces the camera and says "Now I see why he always got off at the 49th Floor".

And the Sheriff says, "Huh?"

And she says, "Why sure....it never rains in Southern California, so why carry an umbrella?"

And the Sheriff says, "Huh?"

And she says, "And I bet he doesn't even wear lifts in his shoes....so he couldn't possibly have gotten of at the 50th floor and murdered his wife at 11:43 pm".

And the Sherrif says, "Now dagummit Jessie...what y'all talkin about. We got his fingerprints on the murder weapon. An eye witness who saw him get off of the elevator on the 50th floor at exactly 11:43 and he is also on the security video camera. And had a motive because he knew that his heiress wife was about ready to divorce him and cut him off without one red cent."

Jessica, "It wasn't him...it was his sister!"

Sherrif, "Huh?"

Jessica, "Of course....she wears high heels."

Sherrif, "Huh?"

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Never much cared for Jessica... Was sort of afraid to like her, everyone she knew died sooner or later! Not the sort of person I'd want to be friendly with.

Always wondered how did she stay out of jail though? I mean it made no difference where she went, somebody died! You'd think they'd have put her away on Circumstantial Evidence alone. At least 26 bodies a year turned up, where ever she went for how many years? That's pretty suspicious.

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Jessica would;ve got the right answer to my puzzle.
Which is based on a true story.*

It is about a much maligned savant who is famous for his experiments from the pre PETA days, when he used to put monkeys in a cage and dangle an orange above a ladder, and when one of them tried to climb the ladder, my dad would spray the other monkeys with a water pistol.
They got so agitated that one day, about generation 7, I think, one of the new monkeys realized thar the cage wasn't locked and when the scientist sprayed them they escaped out the cage.
When we got finished walking up the flight of stairs (never could understand that, but dad always did it and we just followed in his footsteps I guess) from the 49th floor and got home, we found him dead with his water pistol somehow lodged in his throat.
All the oranges were missing, and the monkeys just sat in their cage and kept looking at the ladder and then my dad, the famous Dr. Leonard 'B.F.' Skinnerd.

(*Note: Some of the facts have been fabricated to protect the innocent)

:-)|8-< ... woman

:-)|-^< ... man

( ! ) ... vertical smile

--- - - - -
--(o)(o)
---(oo)
-----o

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ronniethedodger ..er...ah...'wrote':Hey! I recognize that picture. That's George!

Okay, here is a classic:

Three people check into a hotel. They pay £30 to the manager and go to their room. The manager suddenly remembers that the room rate is £25 and gives £5 to the bellboy to return to the people. On the way to the room the bellboy reasons that £5 would be difficult to share among three people so he pockets £2 and gives £1 to each person. Now each person paid £10 and got back £1. So they paid £9 each, totalling £27. The bellboy has £2, totalling £29. Where is the missing £1?

(note, 1lb = 16 oz. lol)

mikmik wrote:

"Where is the missing £1?"

mikmik drank it. Alternatively:

30-5+2=27+3*1=30

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Nothing ever changes - Still stuck in the same damned corner!

Oh, I see.
FYI, if mikmik was the bellhop:
30= 25(room) + 5(beer)= Thanks for the tip, guys!

Would you rather a crocodile attack you or an alligator?

This one does have a correct answer!

I'd choose Alligator bcuz I've heard some stuff about croc attacks.

but of course, I 'd rather NOT be attacked by anything!

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V. Faulkner
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mevfaulknerHmmm...
Close!

I would rather the crocodile attack the alligator! :o)

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Oh you would, would you.
Better get to it before vfaulkner takes her turn LOL.

Good one Paul.
I shall go for the tough stuff next, but I will wait for others.

And Vicky? I was wrong before I saw the answer, too.
And I used to watch 'that show'!

What show? I don't watch TV!
I read about it. You mean I was given false information??

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V. Faulkner
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vfaulkner, of Austria, wroteThat show.

You don't watch TV? How do you what to buy when you go shopping?

Read what?

All information is false, if you ask the right people.

Paulhiles made a choice for bloodshed, and the particular choice was thusly elucidated:I sure hope PETA doesn't get wind of your public statement, not with that 'smiley' in it.

mikmik, I followed your url, went to "about Us", changed the colour, and zip? Just thought you'd like to know?

Back to the attacked by who preference:

Crocks will eat anything they can catch, once nicely tenderised in their larder. Whereas alligators, though they might attack a human, as far as I'm aware don't actually like human flesh. Therefore, I'm guessing a person is far more likely to survive an alligator attack?

Other than that, I wouldn't want to be attacked by either

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Nothing ever changes - Still stuck in the same damned corner!

pete61uk wrote : In otherwords, the sooner he gets a taste, the sooner he goes "Blech!", therefore, against an alli' attack, the best defence is a non-defence. Give im a quick 'bite' and he will go elsewhere. :o)

Thanks, pete61UK, I forgot about that, I was playing with some PHP config, and my server went down, then I forgot about it after about another ten minutes. What do alligatores like to eat?, I find myself ruminating.
But I still think they make a good watchdog.

mikmik (working late?) wrote:

"In otherwords, the sooner he gets a taste, the sooner he goes "Blech!", therefore, against an alli' attack, the best defence is a non-defence. Give im a quick 'bite' and he will go elsewhere. :o)"

That could be right, just don't let them get a hold of anything vital, or something you'd rather not lose. Also, are alligators the smaller species?

Re the site, glad I could help.

If you want a laugh, or to see a daft Taff in robes, check-out last years graduation pics at my site. Go through the "about me" section.

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Nothing ever changes - Still stuck in the same damned corner!

Here comes another!
____

How do we know that God is a Civil Engineer?

Ken

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Mike

I had much rather be attacked by a croc because their land speed record is 10.6 mph, where a gator can run 35mph for a short distance!
____

If that's the right answer - Let's see if you can get mine above:
There is definitely a correct answer!

Ken

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Four engineers were sitting around one day trying to figure out what kind of Engineer God is.

The first engineer says "I think God is a Mechanical Engineer, because of joints and muscle and sense of balance." The other three nod there heads and say "Yeah, could be."

The second engineer says "I think God is an Electrical Engineer, because of the nervous system and neural network." The other three nod there heads and say "Yeah, could be."

The third engineer says "I think God is a Chemical Engineer, because of hormonal balances and metabolism." The other three nod there heads and say "Yeah, could be."

The fourth engineer snaps his fingers and shouts out "I know, God MUST be a Civil Engineer!"

The other three ask "Why?"

"Well" says the fourth engineer, "who else would put a waste water drainage right through a prime recreational area?"

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Too Fast Paul!

I heard it a little differently:
"Who else would put a caustic waste pipe in the middle of a playground?"

Ken

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