I've had enough of this week. Miserable weather, South of England Blues, yearning for Old Mother North etc...

Cap it all, my car was stolen yesterday, my pride and joy, by some Neanderthal moron who'll puke in it, cause a few accidents 'cos he can't handle it, then torch it. Laptop...gone, brochures, fresh from printers...gone, 200g of tobacco...gone (hope he gets my lung cancer).

I need cheering up - anything at all will help.

pne

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Well sir, always look at the positive side, you could have been in the car and at gunpoint when it was stolen. And if you were, you would have had to put up with puke smell the have a huge hospital bill on top from the accidents!
OH..I just realized..the TOBACCO GONE? YIKES! Now that's a crying problem!! (I'm a smoker too!)
Did that help a little bit?

At least it's Friday?

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this site will cheer you up

Real Doll

I laffed so much when I saw this...... Lol

Oh, I'm so glad I'm English :P <ducks from flying fists>

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Sorry, Dina,

It could not have been at gunpoint. England has gun control;) However, we all know that those with the guns are in control. Where there is gun control, only criminals have guns.

Being from southern California, where there is lots of traffic and road-rage, but no right-to-carry, I was surprised on a recent visit to Dallas, Texas. They had just about as much traffic, yet I saw no road-rage as I do every day in California. Then I realized, Texans have a "right-to-carry" law. They are all armed, or most likely they are. They were all very friendly and polite.

Then I remebered how in Florida, which also has a right-to-carry law, the carjackings of tourists and no one else, from a few years back. The carjackers realized that people coming off an airplane and getting into a rental car had no weapons. They have since removed the special markings they once had for rental cars and the carjackings ceased.

Now, onto our English victim. Yes, all of that stuff is merely property. A major pain in the ass, or arse as you may say. However, as Dina notes, this can all be replaced in time, you can't. Good luck, I hope the property was insured.

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Dear Sir

Always look at the positive side when 2 of my motor cycles were stolen i was in a way happy that I will get a new one now !! and the insurance company is always there to bear the loss !!

U get a new car, this time get a car with antitheft system

vivek kedia

Well, I always like a good laugh to help cheer me up. So here's a dorky joke... good for a little giggle.

So, a mushroom walks into a bar and goes up to the bar tender and says, "Hey bartender, give me a beer."

The bartender looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, but I can not serve you."

The mushroom looks at him a little disappointed, a little confused, and says, "But, I'm a Fun Guy" (fungi)

:)

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How dare you waste webpaper with that joke!
he he he

Even better:

Two termites go into a bar and asks "Is the bartender here?"

Haha

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It could be worse...

it could be raining.

Sheepy Dance Have a laugh at a dancing sheep. A crazy dancing sheep and other jokes. See if you can round them up.
http://www.sheepydance.veryfunny.co.uk/index.html

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It WAS raining!

Thanks all for your help. Spent most of yesterday in no-wheels hell. Car had outstsnding anti-theft devices but none turned on. Am now driving my girlfriend's Renault Megane 1.4 thing. Miserable, yes, but glad to have such friends.

Love you all

pne

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My sister and I always used to make jokes about the mushroom Toad in the Super Mario Bros. series. We'd always make jokes like: "I am not a fun guy; I am a fungi." (Especially in the Mario Kart 64 if Toad was beating us! :-) )

HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER!

Like the song goes: "Don't worry; Be happy."

I was told that joke by a NASA flight surgeon :P

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Bummer! But you reminded me to actually _use_ the anti-theft stuff on my car.

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Comrades in struggle!

I need to own up. The car in question is (was! weep) a Skyline R33. Now, my problem's this: the person who was driving it was my girlfriend. She left the keys in the car and has only just owned up. I'm devastated, naturally, but, at the end of the day, it's only a car (can't believe I'm writing this...).

She's offered to buy me another one, but it doesn't feel quite right. I'd got the last car just the way I wanted it.

At this point I probably also ought to say that I'm on my second divorce and that cars have figured quite heavily in my two previous marriages.

Whaddyathink, luv y'all

pne

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First, my condolences on the loss of a beautiful car. As we men have been accused of buying cars that reflect our perception of our 'virility', perhaps this joke will at least soften the blow. When you read it, imagine speaking it in a Veddy Brittish accent, ok?

The CO of the British Commandos decided to call and inspection of the troops in the middle of a snow storm. All the commandos were stood at attention, buck naked, straight backed and stern-eyed.

The commander walks down the 3rd rank and suddenly stops and whacks a soldier hard across the face with his swagger stick.

[Here goes the British accent]
"Did that hurt soldier?"

"No sir!"

"Why not?"

"I'm a commando sir!"

A smile wreathes the commanders face, and he walks on to the 2nd rank of soldiers. He selects one at random and whacks him hard across the chest.

"Did that hurt soldier?"

"No sir!"

"Why not?"

"I'm a commando sir!"

The commander is positively beaming by now as he moves to the front rank of soldierns. He's strolling down the line when he spots one soldier sporting a huge hard on. He goes up to the soldiern and brings his swagger stick down on it as hard as he can.

"Did that hurt soldier?"

"No sir!"

"Why not?"

"....Belongs to the man behind me sir!"

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Nice one Marc,

Only joke I've really got so far!

pne

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[quote="pne"]"...She's offered to buy me another one, ...At this point I probably also ought to say that I'm on my second divorce and that cars have figured quite heavily in my two previous marriages."

Not sure what you mean about the cars having figured heavily in your marriages, but is it possible you valued the cars more than the wives? And maybe that (mis)placement of values contributed to the divorces? And despite your girlfriend having left the keys in the car, I admire that she was strong enough to admit having done so and is offering to BUY a new for you.

Agh, bad enough to have a car stolen, but a GTR? Man that sucks. Did the engine have any mods?

I love Skylines, I grew up in Sydney Australia and I'd see R33s R34s everyday. I moved to the US 2 years ago and I have not seen one [emissions and rhd makes it extremely expensive to import].

But I can get a Z06 vette here in the US for a bit over 30k :D I am looking to get a VR4 3000GT TT [GTO in the UK I believe] pretty soon, 95' and up [has to be a 6 speed].

Synergytheory,

Fine man! Someone who really gets it. Car was (can't believe I'm using the past tense) bog standard and absolutely gorgeous.

Granted if you're not into speed you're not into speed, but those of us who are have a totally different approach to life.

Emission regs make me sick. On one of the UK's most watched car shows they announced that the latest government stats proved that trains were more polluting than cars! Yeah really. That's one in the eye for the killjoy "public transport, airbag, standard crash test" crowd of unexciting, sexless creeps (yes I'm bitter, very bitter).

How's this for one. I'm moving from the South Coast back to Lancashire. It's a national pilot area for speed cameras. My daughter's boyfriend's father is an accountant (for God's sake!). He has a new Vauxhall Vectra and nine points on his licence (three points per speeding ticket, 12 points for a twelve month driving ban), gets caught again. His wife has to take the points.

These brainless do-gooders will get theirs. Between car thief scum on the one hand, and governments with their New Puritanism on the other (slap the thief on the back of the hand - it wasn't his fault, penalise tax paying citizens on the other)we have to take a stand.

Rant over.

BTW how much a GTO over there? Looked at them before but (shameful) never driven one. Be interested in your opinion.

Regards,

pne

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My joke made the front page..... Oh yes! Lol

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Positive Thinking. U should really be grateful that more things were not stolen - this would be the case had not old mother england lifted her skirts and brushed all those criminals off to Australia. Instead of stealing bread and cars in England they have been removed and subdued by sun and emerald seas (who ever dreamed up that version of a jail?), now stealing each others surfboards.

:)

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Jeremy

ouch, sounds really terrible .. hope you'll get over it. do you have any insurance that'll help you handle the loss? :/

anyway, getting your car stolen is better than getting it wracked while inside; but than again i guess, that's always a possibility, and not a choice :) ..

ctha

I thought only teenaged americans based their worth, and rank, on the car they owned?

Here is something to cheer you up...I lost all my data and work from the last two years, and it is all I have because I have only HAD a computer for two years.
I am broke, I have been retraining myself to use computers after injuries stopped my from doing any work that I was qualified to do, and also play any sports any more, which were a LARGE part of my life.

I am just getting started, amd was able to land a client when all this started happening to my computer about four months ago. Yet, bizarre as my situation has been, this person who didn't even really know me, just from the attitude I portray here, stuck with me, and has become a great friend, even when she was worried sick about here livelyhood going down the drain with my career.
I have continued to look at it as a positive opportunity to learn about computer security, and to teach and help others about this.
I have made admirers, friends, and also, gotten a client through helping my roomates family cope with his drug addiction and let them lean on me, all the while I WAS GOING NUTS with my computer problems, my clients relying on me, and also haveing bikers and junkies around this place all the time. I was to broke to move, am still to broke, cannot afford a new motherboard for my computer, blah blah blah....
Yet, if you had a thousand GTO's, you would not be 1% as rich, or as happy as me.

Just think, you don't have a car, I have to walk everywhere, mike bike got stolen three times in the last year, three of them, but one was a friends that lent it to me.

I know a thousand jokes, and I laugh with everybody everywhere I go.

I had a beautiful, fully loaded Ford stepside 1971 three years ago, 302 HO, fully loaded custom, air everything, a rare-ish vehichle, and everyone admired it.

I am way farther ahead today.

How does this cheer you up?

You could have your attitude and my situation, then you would have nothing, because I have almost zero possesions
You have more than 95+% of the worlds population ever will have.

The more you feel sorry for yourself, the worse you feel, and the less anyone cares.

The thing about problems, I have discovered, is that 90% of people don't care abot them, and the other 10% are glad you got them! LOL

There is a saying: "Speed kills".

I am into speed, but I don't understand you.

Hi All,

Much appreciate support and supportive criticism (that's you Mike!).

The point isn't so much about the car, in a way anyway, it's that something I've cherished for a long time could be taken by someone else, without my permission.

I bought it partly because it was so - relatively - cheap. I wouldn't dream of buying a Ferrari, even if I had the money, because £40k for a used car offends my (personal, I don't apply this to anyone else) moral principles.

My car was, to me, a thing of great beauty. It had a kind of soul that I bought into. Losing it isn't about money or possessions at all.

BTW I thought all Aussies were back in the UK by now. Spend any time in e.g. Earls Court and you could be forgiven for thinking you were in a suburb of Melbourne. Maybe that's why crime is rising!

Love y'all


pne

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version 2 of the termite joke:

A toothless termite goes into a bar.

The toothless termite says 'excuse me, where is the bar tender"...

I never go to melbourne - it's full of thieves - so I wont b going to Earl's Court. Thank goodness you dont have a place called Bruce's Court, they'd all flock there instead.

Bruce#7
Professor of Inglish
University of Wollongong

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Jeremy

In honor of the termite jokes... here is one from my office mate, Scott.

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?

A: Unique up on it!

Just so lame, you've gotta smile! :)

It's a car my friend... Your gal friend sounds like a true friend... much more important than any "thing".
My hubba and I have been married 30+ years, 2 grown boys... and a precious granddaughter... we live in a crappy trailer in a slum mobile park. We are both disabled... Hubba at 50 years old had 9 heartattacks... 6 years and 4 pace maker revisions later and he is looking at his 11th surgery in 12 years. I am disabled from arthritis and fibromyalgia. We are poorer then church mice so to speak...

But you know what? We would not trade our poverty and all the love and friendships we have for all the money or merchandise this world has to offer! We have each other, friends and a Savior who loves us. Relationships with people we care for and who care for is truly what is important. It also takes hard work and being committed to those relationships.

"Stuff and riches" give you nothing but a lonely end in life. "Stuff and riches" do not make you happy. "Stuff and riches" are a transitory thing that wears out or fades away... But God, friendship and family... That's where true happiness lies in this world.

I hope for your sake and your girl friend that you can lay this to rest and concentrate on what is important in this world... Other people. A car is a tool... a computer is a tool... money is a tool... Use these tools wisely and don't become emotionally attached to them. Focus on people... Yes, life becomes infinately more complicated whenever people are involved... but ultimately so much more rewarding.

Go tell that gal "It's only a car" and have some fun! Focus on your relationships and life will be filled with riches and tresure of the lasting kind... and are worth far more than money, power or things.

I really appreciate your posts. We've got termites, Frankie Howard, cool Aussies and me being told off (nicely, but with a touch of exasperation).

For the record,

1. I admire people who smile through adversity.

2. I don't go much on the idea of salvation, I'm an ex-atheist who just doesn't know anymore.

3. This is the first web-community I've ever belonged to that's worth more than "a bucket of warm spit".


pne

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For the record, the first thing I noticed about you, pne, is your singing posts with "Love y'all", and I admire that!

I am a athiest, but it is funny how close my values match the devout.

Peace to all, nice to meet you, pne :O)

Mike,

Really appreciated your post.

I don't subscribe to the principles of universal love, but I don't know where the hell we'd be without it.

Regards,

pne

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Pedstersplanet, let me tweak your joke just a bit:

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

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Sorry to bring this post up from the dead, somewhat.

But flashfast, you live in the gong? I lived there for 27 years of my life [Scottsdale, AZ for the past 2 years] :) I really do miss the gong, never thought I'd ever say that haha! Where do you go out? I am sure we'd probably know some of the same people. My sister-in-law is at Wollongong Uni right now doing nursing.



pne, I did check the GTO out here in the US...I really prefer the Monaro's subtle differences...they are small but make all the difference IMO...but mmm the LS1 is a huge selling point...I might pick one up one day, I'm a big turbo fan though..I think the UK version looks better than the US version.

Are you going to get another Skyline pne?

Synergytheory,

Hi there! Yup, taking delivery next week. Newer car, better colour, girlfriend paying. When I get insurance payout (car was totalled btw) might buy a 200sx (I know, I know) for 2nd car.

Fine day,

pne

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An r33 again? haha and a 200SX, are they TT in the uk? In Aussie they are. They don't have a version of the 200SX in the US, hmm or is the 240SX the same? Looks similar...anyway goodluck with the new car, post some pics in the break room when you get it!