You know your addicted to coffee when....

matauri · #1 (**permalink**) 03-27-2004, 08:12 AM

I was going to send this to my fellow nocturnal mate, but then I realized how much it applied to many here! ;-)

You know your addicted to coffee when....

1. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

2. You sleep with your eyes open.

3. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

4. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

5. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

6. You lick your coffee pot clean.

7. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

8. Your son's first two two names are Robert and Harris.

9. You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there.

10. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

11. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

12. You chew on other people's fingernails.

13. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

14. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."

15. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

16. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

17. You can jump-start your car without cables.

18. You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.

19. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

20. You don't sweat, you percolate.

21. You buy milk by the barrel.

22.You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug.

23. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

24. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realise it's not plugged in.

25. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

26. Kramer of Seinfeld thinks you need to calm down.

27. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

28. People get dizzy just watching you.

29. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.

30. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

31. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

32. Your taste buds are so numb you can eat chilis raw.

33. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.

34. People can test their batteries in your ears.

35. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

36. Instant coffee takes too long.

37. You channel surf faster without a remote.

38. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."

39. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

40. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.

41. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

42. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

43. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

44. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

45. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

46. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."

47. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

48. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

49. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

50. You short out motion detectors.

51. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

52. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

53. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

54. You don't tan, you roast.

55. You don't get mad, you get steamed.

56. You can't even remember your second cup.

57. You help your dog chase its tail.

58. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

59. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

60. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

61. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

62. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

63. You ski uphill.

64. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

65. You speed walk in your sleep.

66. You answer the door before people knock.

67. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

68. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

wenwilder · #2 (**permalink**) 03-30-2004, 04:08 PM

You changed your picture again.... 3rd time's a charm? :p

Did you have Scott (ghstdrgn) in mind when you posted this? Him and his Startbucks addiction. lol I bet he types faster with one hand on a Starbucks coffee cup.

vfaulkner · #3 (**permalink**) 03-30-2004, 05:00 PM

wenwilder · #4 (**permalink**) 03-30-2004, 05:46 PM

LOL That's cute Vicki!

LauraB · #5 (**permalink**) 03-30-2004, 06:18 PM

I realized I was over the edge when I started taking the office thermal carafe to my desk so I would not have to get up and walk the 2 and 1/2 steps to the coffee maker!

trsiyengar · #6 (**permalink**) 03-31-2004, 01:05 PM

What, negate ? No, I am not going to stop sipping it. Nor the Ghost of Dragons - from Starbucks!

Rocky1 gives you sort of records (Coffee, the new Health Food ?)and quotes from medical journals, really worth a peep at:

http://www.webproworld.com/viewtopic...=asc&start=550

Hi Vicki, send me the Mug, I am thirsty - for coffee!

Namasthe Everyone,
TRS Iyengar
Filter Coffee Addict

matauri · #7 (**permalink**) 03-31-2004, 07:46 PM

Quote:

You changed your picture again.... 3rd time's a charm? :p

Well, it was predicted it would happen by easter (Julian me thinks!), so couldnt let him down ;-)

Quote:

Did you have Scott (ghstdrgn) in mind when you posted this?

LOL...No...another over-worked Mod. But from what I read....Scott IS a worthy candidate too !

trsiyengar · #8 (**permalink**) 04-01-2004, 02:35 AM

Among the Evil addictives, I feel coffee is a lesser evil one to consume. You can have it at any time you like; in open, in private or in a crowd too! Smoking, Drinking, Kissing, consuming or smoking such items of drugs are prohibited in many public places. Oh, thank God, coffee is not.

Quote from Matauri's listing:

31. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

Scot, the girls are worried and wondering; now tell me the truth, is it true that Starbucks own your house:) LOL

Hello, ghstdrgns - I tried to attract them to the Jello-O thread; by giving a link to Rocky's fine quotes on coffee - in the Jello-O thread. Everyone is looking on pics & change in costumes!. (oh, it is natural for them not to resist). I will copy & paste it here - (the linked article from Page 21/22 of Jello-O oooops, Is today tomorrow...thread), if Rocky1 is not filing a copyright violation case!!

Namasthe Everyone,
TRS Iyengar
I drink coffee, often and at anytime I like. And now at 54, I am hale & healthy.
www.trsiyengar.com

ChrisRC · #9 (**permalink**) 04-02-2004, 10:32 AM

Quote:

21. You buy milk by the barrel.
46. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."

Milk? Cream? Sugar? What do these things have to do with coffee? Are you sure you're not thinking of a milkshake?

Personally I'm still waiting for that Caffiene/Nicotine IV drip.

Good coffee and good beer are generally about the same color.

vfaulkner · #10 (**permalink**) 04-02-2004, 11:28 AM

I have been known to have too much blood in my caffeine system...

Waiting for the IV drip, too! NO NICOTINE, though!!

LauraB · #11 (**permalink**) 04-02-2004, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Personally I'm still waiting for that Caffiene/Nicotine IV drip

Now why didn't I think of that!?! Productivity would sky rocket. No need wasting time pouring a cup or lighting up, no hassel with non-smoking clients visiting the office, no need for the semi-annual washing of the cup.

Where do I sign up?

vfaulkner · #12 (**permalink**) 04-02-2004, 12:16 PM

I used to have sticky notes similiar...

:-)

bebarrett · #13 (**permalink**) 04-02-2004, 04:18 PM

I once made a website for a cafe for nothing more than the keys to the place, then moved into an apartment in the same building just so I could make mocha lattes at 3am without getting out of my robe and slippers.