This could get me in real trouble, but what the hey!

A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell them apart. So she asked her neighbour for advice. He suggested that she cut the tail off one of the horses. This worked until the other horse snagged his tail on a fence. So the neighbour suggested notching one of the horses' ear. This worked until the other horse snagged his ear on a fence. So the neighbour suggested measuring the heights of the horses.

And sure enough, the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse.

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Sualdam

Sualdam,

ROFL ... but with Both Brittany and WenWilder having blonde coloured hair I hate to think what they are going to do to your permissions :)

Julian

I've heard turn about is fair play, but I've never been one to play very fair. :p So, the only thing I have to say to your blonde joke Sauldam is this:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends Emails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

And you thought blondes were dumb…:p

Oh, and Sauldam, didn't you at one point say you were blonde as well?

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'Blonde' and 'dumb' only affects the female of the species.

It's a well-known scientific fact.

I only mentioned I was blonde as a diversionary tactic in an earlier thread :)

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Sualdam

I want evidentiary support! 120 references that support your claim, research material, no less than 140 pages and 200 personal character references stating that you would not deceive a blonde. ;)

Then I'll think about believing your claim that it only affects the female of the species. Also, you didn't specify what species? Remember that the female of some species eat the males! ;)

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Females eating the males - it's either that, or take up smoking :) from what I saw on breakfast TV this morning.

Ooh. Ooh.

How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?

Shine a flashlight in her ear!

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Sualdam

Okay Sualdam if that's how ya want to play. ;)

When I was in college for auto-mechanics I was the ONLY girl in the engine rebuilding and transmission classes and being blonde.....I ended up with a HUGE list of blonde jokes. The guys put the list together and taped it to my desk so they could add to it each day. I enjoyed it because now I probably have the most complete list of blonde jokes.

Let's see if I can add any new one's. One of my favorites which shows that it's all in how you ask the question: ;)

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."

Now, lets see if you, or anyone can tell me one I haven't heard! Watch the language and the insinuations, this is a polite challange. ;)

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Did you hear about the blonde owl?

It went: What! What!

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Sualdam

Suicide Blonde


A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants,
I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened,
I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise.
So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Ya ya....read on..


I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton

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Eddie Brickel

Three women were in an obstetritioners office, a redhead, brunette, and of course, a blonde.

The red head said," I'm having twins!"

The others exclaimed " How funny! I am too" said brunette, "I, as well" the blonde proclaimed proudly.

Red:"I'm having two boys"

Blonde: "How do you know that?"

Red: "Because hubbie was on top when it happenned"

Brunette: "And we're having two girls"

Blonde: "How do you know that?"

Brunette: "Because I was on top when it happenned"

Suddenly blondie burst into tears and began sobbing relentlessly. "What's the matter dear. It can't be that bad. What's wrong?"

Blondie then wailed "I guess that means I'm going to have puppies!"

Feel free to retaliate with bald and/or men jokes.

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What I am is what I am, are you what you are, or what.
Eddie Brickel

I've heard'em. Give me something NEW! lol

And lets try to stay a way from the rude, crude, and sexually oriented one's, those are old hat!

The challange is to find a good clean unheard blonde joke. Good luck! ;)

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I see I've met a formidable opponent but I refuse to give up. I'm hoping some of the brunettes will continue in the quest for the 'Holy Tale' (yuk yuk yuk) along with this 'former brunette who would now be happy to have even blonde locks'.
You're a blast!

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What I am is what I am, are you what you are, or what.
Eddie Brickel

So this rich guy decides to buy helicopter lessons for his blonde girlfriend so she'll have something to keep her occupied instead of filing her nails and putting on make-up all day long.

It does keep her busy for months and months but eventually it comes time when she can be trusted to take her first solo flight. Her instructors ask if she feels ready and she says "yes, and it's about time you asked!"

They decide that it should be quite safe and anyways they will be in contact with her the whole time over the radio from the flight tower.

So they're all ready to go, she's on the pad with the chopper running and radio contact is good and her instructor says "okay, lift off and climb to 500 ft. and level off" so she does.
"How you doing? Everything okay?" they ask.
"just great".
"Well then, take it up to 1500 ft. and level off" say the instructors with confidence. She zooms up quickly and comes to a perfect standstill at exactly 1500 ft.

"Now what do you think?" they ask.

Silence for a couple of seconds, then she gasps "OH my, the view is breathtaking!" and they all smile.

Suddenly, without warning, the chopper just starts to plummet towards the ground and crashes into a big stand of trees.

Horrified, they run down to the scene and are able to pull her from the wreckage and, much to their astonishment, she is hardly hurt.

They check her out and finally ask her "What happenned, you were doing fine!"

"I don't really know" she informs them. "I was trying to enjoy the lovely view but it was cold up there so I shut that big fan off".

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What I am is what I am, are you what you are, or what.
Eddie Brickel

The cavalry (Thanks Sauldam :) is never around when you need them, brunette or otherwise. ;)

I love a good blonde joke as much as the next person, but.....they say truth is stranger than fiction....and that applies to blonde jokes!


P.S. Why are there blonde jokes .... to make brunettes jealous.
Why are blonde jokes so simple .... so brunettes and men can understand them.

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Wenwilder.... calvary?

Is the apocalypse nigh?

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Sualdam

Calvary....cavalry....spelling is my second language and it only proves I really am blonde :p

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wenwilder wrote "...spelling is my second language and it only proves I really am blonde :p"


What with all the discussions about "Washington Post's Style Invitational", and "Post subject: ...at the rghit pclae" and "webdesigners corneal abberation syndrome" (made that one up) it's a wonder that anyone around here can still spell....
Oh ya:
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
Blonde says, "Change it into what? Just buy a new lamp, silly"

...not to mention sleep deprivation...

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What I am is what I am, are you what you are, or what.
Eddie Brickel

Reminds me of:

How many dyslexics does it take to chane a thigl blub

(if that is offensive to anyone I'll delete it) :)

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Sualdam

?ynam woh ,wonk t'nod I mablauS ,oN

A business man is on the office elevator one morning when a blonde secretary gets on.
The doors close and they start up towards the top floor when she says merrily "T.G.I.F."

He looks at her and says "S.H.I.T."

She frowns momentarily, then decides to try again. "T.G.I.F." she says, even more musically this time. "S.H.I.T." he sings back.

Now she's annoyed at him, "T.G.I.F.!! Don't you get it? Thank Goodness It's Friday, silly".

He looks at her and says, " Sure Honey, It's Thursday"

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What I am is what I am, are you what you are, or what.
Eddie Brickel

Why do blonde's have T.G.I.F printed on the inside of their shoes?

T.G.I.F. = Toes Go In First ;)

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"Cat washing IS a martial art."
"Remember Today IS Yesterdays Tomorrow"

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. The police officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "Okay, you're free to go. You know, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

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