Thou fusty rude-growing vassal!
Thou churlish dread-bolted hugger-mugger!
Thou wimpled motley-minded malcontent!
Thou art the rudeliest welcome to this world.

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I actually use several of those (or close variants) on a regular basis. If you're gonna take a shot, do it with some flair says I.

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Surely this post is much a do about nothing, but tomorrow will be the twelth night of September, so I'll smoke a Hamlet, or a Romeo and Juliet, or buy a King LEAR jet.

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