Daftest questions you've ever been asked by a customer

**dharrison** · #1 (**permalink**) 11-14-2005, 05:51 PM

Ok, this'll probably get moved to another part of the forum, but I really do not think there is a part of forum that will cover this.

A UK magazine did a similar article sometime ago, but as this forum covers most of the world, I would like you all to share your experiences (please!) :)

What is the daftest thing you've ever been asked by a customer? And how did you get around it?

It sounds like I am having a go at customers, but I'm not. A post like this can give good advice to the web design newbies out there (and even some of the old ones) who may panic if they get asked something different (And by golly, I know I did the first time!)

I would love to hear your stories :)

Best regards

ADAM Web Design · #2 (**permalink**) 11-14-2005, 06:49 PM

Wow. That's a tough one.

I've been asked some pretty moronic ones over the years.

"What do you think of the new Windows 95? I really feel that its scalability will create an enhanced infrastructure and allow us to expand our operations."

The quote in itself isn't all that bad (although it is corporate-whorish.) The timing of it, however, was: November of 1994.

"I unplugged my printer from the back of the computer because the wire got in the way, and now it won't work."

"So I was trying to get into my website, and I couldn't remember my URL, so I entered in (URL) into the Google search engine and my site was the only result. How did you do that?"

But, my personal favourite of all time has to be:

"Adam, my Windows isn't working. I took it to (chain of stores no longer in business) and they said the programmer was defective. Do you have any advice?"

"Ummm...I'm your programmer, and I don't think I'm defective."

"Then how did you get into my Windows?"

**dharrison** · #3 (**permalink**) 11-15-2005, 05:34 AM

My fave duff question has to be with a recent customer, who was really trying to get his head around all this new technology (the web) who asked me how much I make from the ISPs.

When I asked him to elaborate, he thought that everytime someone used the internet to view his website, I got a payment of some form from whoever the individual's ISP was (AOL, Tesco, NTL, etc).

Nice thought, but no. I told him. And it can't have hurt because I got the sale. :)

Chris · #4 (**permalink**) 11-15-2005, 10:03 AM

when i was working my way thru college (worked in a liquor store), i was asked by a customer if i was sure this:

is green apple schnapps... after she took the bottle in her hand and looked at the label and the color of the liquor.

i wasn't sure how to respond...

**dharrison** · #5 (**permalink**) 11-15-2005, 11:15 AM

OMG!

Y'see i'd have just gone into sarcastic mode and told her it was a chicken.

You have more patience than me, Chris :)

MuNKyonline · #6 (**permalink**) 11-15-2005, 11:45 AM

Once I had a customer phone in and say:

"I need a PCU fitted". (A PCU is a photo conductor unit for a photocopier.)

So I said:

"What? You, or the photocopier?"

Suprisingly enough she laughed!

Most of the time I get customers phoning in and saying that their wireless mouse doesnt work. And all I have to say is "have you put batteries in it?" and they go "Ah, thanks" and hang-up.

It's either that or their monitor doesnt work because they havent plugged it in.

People can be such dumbarses sometimes!

Chris · #7 (**permalink**) 11-15-2005, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dharrison

OMG!

Y'see i'd have just gone into sarcastic mode and told her it was a chicken.

You have more patience than me, Chris :)

believe me deb, had i said what was on my mind, i would've been fired and probably arrested for slander and verbal abuse.

;)

Tubby · #8 (**permalink**) 11-18-2005, 06:41 AM

I was once told by a customer that the job was not very important, and that 'any thing would do'

I answered " So you instantly thought of me?"(I thought this was funny)
she said "Yes" . .

Tubby · #9 (**permalink**) 11-18-2005, 06:53 AM

I called on a customer one day, and as I entered the house he explained to me that his wife had just had a throat operation and was unable to speak. Well I have always had a big mouth, compulsive, and can see humour in most things. So I said "THE PERFECT WOMAN, then"
She threw the cup she was holding at me. ( but she did aim high)

ADAM Web Design · #10 (**permalink**) 11-18-2005, 10:05 AM

Funny...my girlfriend said the same thing about me after my tonsillectomy. I don't think she loved me any more than she did when I was forced to keep my mouth shut.

MuNKyonline · #11 (**permalink**) 11-18-2005, 11:29 AM

Haha!! ROFL that's brilliant Tubby!

Ahem. I mean tut tut Tubby! That's certainly not on!

JKomp · #12 (**permalink**) 11-18-2005, 04:06 PM

Once I had to go and fix a 'faulty' printer - they hadn't put any paper in it - they were totally shocked it didn't come included, despite a clearly empty paper tray. Surprisingly, other than that they had managed to connect it all up ok.

**dharrison** · #13 (**permalink**) 11-18-2005, 04:21 PM

As we seem to be talking previous jobs as well as current, I've just gotta share some of mine:

I used to work for a major pest control firm and every now and then you would get some berk ring up and they would be shrieking theres a mouse/rat/etc in their beloved house, but we when we said someone would come round soon to "eliminate" it, they would freak at you for even implying that it was going to be killed. Some woman asked me if she talked to her ants nicely telling them to go somewhere else to make their nest, they would. (Hippy alert!)

Or the absolutely minging chinese/etc takeaway that even though they have pest control on a regular basis, they were still getting infestations. What they never said, was the kitchen was knee-deep in grease as the place hadn't been cleaned for a good 6 months! Dirty s**s.

I could go on all day, but they're the best ones.

MuNKyonline · #14 (**permalink**) 11-24-2005, 11:18 AM

Ewww!! Sounds like a kebab shop that got closed down near me recently.

ADAM Web Design · #15 (**permalink**) 11-24-2005, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuNKy

Most of the time I get customers phoning in and saying that their wireless mouse doesnt work. And all I have to say is "have you put batteries in it?" and they go "Ah, thanks" and hang-up.

I dunno if this one is all THAT bad. There aren't all that many wireless mice out there, and considering how infrequently some people with them use their machines, I can see why they ask this (and have asked me the same thing.)

I look at wireless mice like I do remote controls in that regard.

pagetta · #16 (**permalink**) 11-24-2005, 11:46 AM

Munky, kebabs just wouldn't taste the same from somewhere that was clean.

MuNKyonline · #17 (**permalink**) 11-24-2005, 12:02 PM

Adam - I suppose it just seems amusing to me as I know about computers. For someone who doesnt know much, you're right, it probably isnt that obvious. But they could just follow the instructions that come with the devices and then they wouldnt have the problem.

Pagetta - yeah good point, the ones from the other place I go to now are nowhere near as good!

pagetta · #18 (**permalink**) 11-24-2005, 12:06 PM

I can't recall any daft customers off-hand, but the best response I heard to a rude customer from a barmaid was in a hotel I used to work in, and some right posh git was clicking his fingers to get her attention despite the big queue at the bar, so she walked over and said....
'it'll take more than two fingers to make me come'!
ha ha - one of the funniest retorts I ever heard certainly shut him up!

Mmmm - can't stop thinking about kebabs now!

MuNKyonline · #19 (**permalink**) 11-24-2005, 12:23 PM

How wooood! That's quite a good retort indeed, can't see myself using it though lol.

Damn! All this talk about kebabs is making me hungry too!

**dharrison** · #20 (**permalink**) 11-24-2005, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuNKy

Adam - I suppose it just seems amusing to me as I know about computers. For someone who doesnt know much, you're right, it probably isnt that obvious. But they could just follow the instructions that come with the devices and then they wouldnt have the problem.

Pagetta - yeah good point, the ones from the other place I go to now are nowhere near as good!

Yeah but who religiously reads the instructions when they buy a new gadget?

yjs · #21 (**permalink**) 11-24-2005, 11:43 PM

One like this - - - -

'Order Now' (Pleasde note that we do not ship to FL, NV, MO, CA, PN)

Q - Do you ship to Florida???

I should have replied - yes we do but we dont wanna ship specifically to you!!!!