Step-Mothers - Mine's Great!

greeneagle · #1 (**permalink**) 04-30-2005, 01:46 AM

She just sent me what should be George Bush's next public address:

Quote:

"WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT,
DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious
Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York .

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

God bless America.
Thank you and good night."

Ken

Spectur · #2 (**permalink**) 04-30-2005, 02:09 AM

GreenEagle,

Sorry to say it will never happen. I have said for years why do we give billions to other countries for no return.. why does the U.S. goverment subsidized the plowing under of good crops..

H*ll with this I say.. I say lets go back to each takes care of there own for a while.. We have tons of problems here int he U.S. that need to be looked at(homeless, education, employment, ect) but instead the Govemenet keeps running out and trying to save the rest of the world. Just a note to all those out there that will say I am a Quack... The world ran fine for thousands of years before the U.S. was created.. it will still be here thousands of years after we are gone ( well unless someone gets nuke happy)..

Someone in congress or some other banch of the goverment need to realize that hey.. maybe we should take care of things in our own house before trying to fix out neighbors.

Just my 2 cents....

Peace and joy to everyone..

KeithO · #3 (**permalink**) 05-02-2005, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spectur

GreenEagle,

Sorry to say it will never happen. I have said for years why do we give billions to other countries for no return.. why does the U.S. goverment subsidized the plowing under of good crops..

H*ll with this I say.. I say lets go back to each takes care of there own for a while.. We have tons of problems here int he U.S. that need to be looked at(homeless, education, employment, ect) but instead the Govemenet keeps running out and trying to save the rest of the world. Just a note to all those out there that will say I am a Quack... The world ran fine for thousands of years before the U.S. was created.. it will still be here thousands of years after we are gone ( well unless someone gets nuke happy)..

Someone in congress or some other banch of the goverment need to realize that hey.. maybe we should take care of things in our own house before trying to fix out neighbors.

Just my 2 cents....

Peace and joy to everyone..

I agree. I find it outrageous that we are spending 300 billion to rebuild other nations while ours is crumbling at the foundation. People are starving on the streets, children are getting poor education, old folks are being religated to nursing homes, air quality is deteriorating, corporations are stealing from their workers, and we are worried about the health of dying nations. How can the Republican right claim to be fighting for religeous freedom of expression when they send missionaries to other countries to tell them their beliefs are wrong and convert them? How can the Democratic left say that it is wrong for leaders to have lobby groups paying for trips when they do it themselves.

If the best thing that we can come up with is supporting those who agree with us totally while pulling guns out on those who question us is the only answer, we might as well live in Cuba or communist Russia.

I'll go ahead and stop, I could rant for pages about the state of america at this point, especially since Bush's speech on Thursday delayed my watching of CSI.

KeithO · #4 (**permalink**) 05-02-2005, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spectur

GreenEagle,

Sorry to say it will never happen. I have said for years why do we give billions to other countries for no return.. why does the U.S. goverment subsidized the plowing under of good crops..

H*ll with this I say.. I say lets go back to each takes care of there own for a while.. We have tons of problems here int he U.S. that need to be looked at(homeless, education, employment, ect) but instead the Govemenet keeps running out and trying to save the rest of the world. Just a note to all those out there that will say I am a Quack... The world ran fine for thousands of years before the U.S. was created.. it will still be here thousands of years after we are gone ( well unless someone gets nuke happy)..

Someone in congress or some other banch of the goverment need to realize that hey.. maybe we should take care of things in our own house before trying to fix out neighbors.

Just my 2 cents....

Peace and joy to everyone..

I agree. I find it outrageous that we are spending 300 billion to rebuild other nations while ours is crumbling at the foundation. People are starving on the streets, children are getting poor education, old folks are being religated to nursing homes, air quality is deteriorating, corporations are stealing from their workers, and we are worried about the health of dying nations. How can the Republican right claim to be fighting for religeous freedom of expression when they send missionaries to other countries to tell them their beliefs are wrong and convert them? How can the Democratic left say that it is wrong for leaders to have lobby groups paying for trips when they do it themselves.

If the best thing that we can come up with is supporting those who agree with us totally while pulling guns out on those who question us is the only answer, we might as well live in Cuba or communist Russia.

I'll go ahead and stop, I could rant for pages about the state of america at this point, especially since Bush's speech on Thursday delayed my watching of CSI.

KeithO · #5 (**permalink**) 05-02-2005, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spectur

GreenEagle,

Sorry to say it will never happen. I have said for years why do we give billions to other countries for no return.. why does the U.S. goverment subsidized the plowing under of good crops..

H*ll with this I say.. I say lets go back to each takes care of there own for a while.. We have tons of problems here int he U.S. that need to be looked at(homeless, education, employment, ect) but instead the Govemenet keeps running out and trying to save the rest of the world. Just a note to all those out there that will say I am a Quack... The world ran fine for thousands of years before the U.S. was created.. it will still be here thousands of years after we are gone ( well unless someone gets nuke happy)..

Someone in congress or some other banch of the goverment need to realize that hey.. maybe we should take care of things in our own house before trying to fix out neighbors.

Just my 2 cents....

Peace and joy to everyone..

I agree. I find it outrageous that we are spending 300 billion to rebuild other nations while ours is crumbling at the foundation. People are starving on the streets, children are getting poor education, old folks are being religated to nursing homes, air quality is deteriorating, corporations are stealing from their workers, and we are worried about the health of dying nations. How can the Republican right claim to be fighting for religeous freedom of expression when they send missionaries to other countries to tell them their beliefs are wrong and convert them? How can the Democratic left say that it is wrong for leaders to have lobby groups paying for trips when they do it themselves.

If the best thing that we can come up with is supporting those who agree with us totally while pulling guns out on those who question us is the only answer, we might as well live in Cuba or communist Russia.

I'll go ahead and stop, I could rant for pages about the state of america at this point, especially since Bush's speech on Thursday delayed my watching of CSI.

KeithO · #6 (**permalink**) 05-02-2005, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spectur

GreenEagle,

Sorry to say it will never happen. I have said for years why do we give billions to other countries for no return.. why does the U.S. goverment subsidized the plowing under of good crops..

H*ll with this I say.. I say lets go back to each takes care of there own for a while.. We have tons of problems here int he U.S. that need to be looked at(homeless, education, employment, ect) but instead the Govemenet keeps running out and trying to save the rest of the world. Just a note to all those out there that will say I am a Quack... The world ran fine for thousands of years before the U.S. was created.. it will still be here thousands of years after we are gone ( well unless someone gets nuke happy)..

Someone in congress or some other banch of the goverment need to realize that hey.. maybe we should take care of things in our own house before trying to fix out neighbors.

Just my 2 cents....

Peace and joy to everyone..

I agree. I find it outrageous that we are spending 300 billion to rebuild other nations while ours is crumbling at the foundation. People are starving on the streets, children are getting poor education, old folks are being religated to nursing homes, air quality is deteriorating, corporations are stealing from their workers, and we are worried about the health of dying nations. How can the Republican right claim to be fighting for religeous freedom of expression when they send missionaries to other countries to tell them their beliefs are wrong and convert them? How can the Democratic left say that it is wrong for leaders to have lobby groups paying for trips when they do it themselves.

If the best thing that we can come up with is supporting those who agree with us totally while pulling guns out on those who question us is the only answer, we might as well live in Cuba or communist Russia.

I'll go ahead and stop, I could rant for pages about the state of america at this point, especially since Bush's speech on Thursday delayed my watching of CSI.

KeithO · #7 (**permalink**) 05-02-2005, 01:28 PM

delete me.

KeithO · #8 (**permalink**) 05-02-2005, 01:30 PM

sorry. kept getting a SMTP error and assumed it wasn't posting.