The truth of aging

wenwilder · #1 (**permalink**) 12-13-2003, 04:11 PM

*You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

*Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

*You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

*Old age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

*By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

*Old age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

* Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What must hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?

*A man has reached old age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

*Old age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

*Being a senior adult is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

*You know you're into old age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

*Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.*

*The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

*You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

*You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

*You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

*Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

*It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

labrynth_of_fire · #2 (**permalink**) 12-13-2003, 06:29 PM

LOL!! thats great

venividi · #3 (**permalink**) 12-13-2003, 10:04 PM

You know you're getting old when one of these young people with earrings everywhere on the face get up and offers you his seat on the bus. Grrr!

Valeria, 61

matauri · #4 (**permalink**) 12-13-2003, 10:28 PM

An appropriate thread for one of our WPW'ers celebrating (or commiserating) their birthday today :-)

Cindy

Leisa · #5 (**permalink**) 12-14-2003, 12:26 AM

This one comes from one of my "students". She is 87...

"My dinner is cold by the time I make it from the microwave to the table, which is three feet away"

wenwilder · #6 (**permalink**) 12-14-2003, 01:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matauri

An appropriate thread for one of our WPW'ers celebrating (or commiserating) their birthday today :-)

Cindy

What WPWer is celebrating a birthday?

Ohhhh wait! Maybe I already know the answer to this one!

Ah-ha!!!! Are we going to let him get a way with that??

matauri · #7 (**permalink**) 12-14-2003, 02:31 AM

I dunno Wen...do you know? One of the old ones? ;-)

<< prepares to be not forgiven ;-)

Quote:

Ah-ha!!!! Are we going to let him get a way with that??

I'll affirm the gender though ;-)

Let's see if he owns up ! !

(hint: check out who's late logging on & suffering a hangover) :-)

xxx's for the birthday boy :-)

Cindy

wenwilder · #8 (**permalink**) 12-14-2003, 02:34 AM

Let me guess, he's a Moderator??? :)

matauri · #9 (**permalink**) 12-14-2003, 02:36 AM

LOL.... He could be ;-)

Cindy

wenwilder · #10 (**permalink**) 12-14-2003, 03:44 AM

Here's to the OLD one - until I can come up with something better. :)

The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
When happy hour is a nap.
When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.
When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.
When you were in school there was no history class!
When your birth certificate says expired on it.
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
You burn the midnight oil until 9:00 P.M.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.
You don't remember being absent minded.
You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
You get winded playing chess.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."
You look both ways before crossing a room.
You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.
You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You sink your teeth into a steak ...and they stay there.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
You start video taping daytime game shows.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
Your back goes out more than you do.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.
You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where you parked the car.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

AND....it just woulndn't be a true post if I didn't throw this in:

At cafeterias, you complain that the Jello is too tough.

paulhiles · #11 (**permalink**) 12-14-2003, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wenwilder

Here's to the OLD one - until I can come up with something better. :) <snip!>

AND....it just woulndn't be a true post if I didn't throw this in:

At cafeterias, you complain that the Jello is too tough.

Ahem... indeed! You know no-one makes Jello quite like you do Wen! I'll be over for my usual chicken flavoured helping later! ;-)

Paul