A man who had been in a mental institution for some years
finally improved to the point where it was thought he might
be released. The psychiatrist that ran the institution
decided it was better to proceed with caution, and chose to
interview him first.

"Tell me," said the doctor, "if we release you, as we are
considering, what do you plan to do with your life?"

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real
life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my
former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you see, and it
was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to
put
me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to work in
pure theory, where I believe the situation will be less
difficult and stressful."

"Wonderful," said the psychiatrist.

"Or else," continued the patient, "I might teach. There is
something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding
the knowledge of young people."

"Definitely," said the psychiatrist.

"Then again, I might write. There is always a need for books
on science, or I may even write a novel based on my
experiences in the psychiatric institution."

"Another interesting possibility," agreed the doctor.

"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can
always continue to be a teakettle."

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Forum Rules
"Cat washing IS a martial art."
"Remember Today IS Yesterdays Tomorrow"

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I
am Napoleon!"

Another one said, "How do you know?"

First inmate answers, "Winston Churchill told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

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Forum Rules
"Cat washing IS a martial art."
"Remember Today IS Yesterdays Tomorrow"

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital
had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out
of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and
called him
into his office.

"Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate
that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you
saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him
up to dry."

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Forum Rules
"Cat washing IS a martial art."
"Remember Today IS Yesterdays Tomorrow"

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

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What I am is what I am, are you what you are, or what.
Eddie Brickel

Alzhiemers does have the benefit of being able to hide your own Easter eggs.

Greyhawk

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www.greyhawkstudios.com
Procrastinate now don't put it off!!!

"Wanna swap meds?"

"Can I buy you a spatula?"

"Bet you're wondering why I have no nostrils..."

"Your crawlspace or mine?"

"You look like the kind of person who appreciates catheters."

"May I lick your forehead?"

"Do you always wear your shoes over your socks?"

"Smeep. Smeep. Smeep."

"What's your favorite flavor of wood?"

"You've stolen my heart! But that's okay... I have three more back home in the freezer."

"You look like a Capricorn. Capricorns are tasty."

"How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or heated on my neighbor's muffler?"

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Psychology Mental Health & Self-Help Forum
Online Counseling & Therapy | Mental Health Directory

Christmas Carols with a Psychological Twist

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are...

DEMENTIA - Am I Be Home For Christmas?

NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell....

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all back).

__________________
Psychology Mental Health & Self-Help Forum
Online Counseling & Therapy | Mental Health Directory

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!! That 2nd to last one is the best! :)

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|- >(^_^)> | (t^^t) | <(^_^)< -|
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If you are ready for Society you should be able to answer the following question:

For release from this facility, please answer the following:

"If it takes a chicken and a half, a day and a half, to lay an egg and a half; how long will it take a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick a hole in a donut?"

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I reject your reality and will purchase my own.
Live Free and Die what?

Anybody remember The Chipmunk's Christmas Song?

__________________
Psychology Mental Health & Self-Help Forum
Online Counseling & Therapy | Mental Health Directory

You mean, "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire?"

If you've not come across Bob Rivers various "Twisted Christmas" CDs -- you'd love them.

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LdyGuique