Teenagers...

Sammi290 · #1 (**permalink**) 11-06-2003, 09:05 PM

A friend sent me this awhile back...I thought it was hilarious though my kids weren't as amused....

I thought you would all love this one, for those who don't have teenagers and those who are going to get teenagers, the best punishment is out smarting your teenager. Don't mess with mothers....

My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face. He decided he was smart enough, to put me in my place.

Guess what I learned in Civics Two, that's taught by Mr. Wright? It's all about the laws today,

The "Children's Bill of Rights."
It says I need not clean my room, don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion, and regardless what you say, I don't have to bow my head, and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want, and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like, get tattoos from head to toe.
And if you ever spank me, I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges, with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me, my body's only for my use, not for your hugs and kisses, that's just more child abuse.
Don't preach about your morals, like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control, And it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights, so you can't influence me, or I'll call Children's Services Division, better known as C.S.D.

Of course my first instinct was To toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully, I couldn't let this go.

A smile crept upon my face, he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want, there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D. who said they didn't care if I bought you K-Mart shoes instead of those Nike Airs.
I've canceled that appointment to take your driver 's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned so I'll decide what 's best.
I said "No time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn to make your own sack lunch.
Just save the raging appetite, and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions, a favorite dish of mine.

He asked "Can I please rent a movie, to watch on my VCR? "

"Sorry, but I sold your TV, for new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room, you'll take the couch instead.

The C.S.D. requires just a roof over your head. Your clothing won't be trendy now, I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get, will buy me something neat. I'm selling off your jet ski, dirt-bike & roller blades.

Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights," It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying, why are you on your knees? Are you asking God to help you out, instead of C.S.D..?

Sammi :)

cyanide · #2 (**permalink**) 11-06-2003, 10:41 PM

Nice !!

I like it !

ps. hitting the 'enter' key a couple times helps for a little easier reading

Sammi290 · #3 (**permalink**) 11-07-2003, 03:07 PM

Sorry about that...I had just copied and pasted the email! I never thought of how it was going to look in here :(

That will teach me not to 'preview' before submitting!

Have a nice day

Sammi

rocky1 · #4 (**permalink**) 11-07-2003, 03:43 PM

Copy now pasted on the refrigerator door, just waiting for the step-daughter too come home!

Thank You!

Rocky

Greyhawk · #5 (**permalink**) 11-07-2003, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocky1

Copy now pasted on the refrigerator door, just waiting for the step-daughter too come home!

Thank You!

Rocky

Rocky the tyrant lol I saw that a while back and posted it for my room mates daughter to see. Her reaction was "Boy am I glad you ain't my dad!"

I also gave a copy to her dad. She was not amused.

Greyhawk

minstrel · #6 (**permalink**) 11-07-2003, 10:17 PM

Etiquette Lesson
Erma Bombeck

On TV, a child psychologist said parents should treat their children as they would treat their best friends – with courtesy, dignity, and diplomacy. “I have never treated my children any other way”, I told myself. But later that night, I thought about it. Suppose our good friends, Fred and Eleanor, came to dinner, and …..

“Well, it’s about time you two got here! What have you been doing? Dawdling? Shut the door, Fred. Were you born in a barn? So, Eleanor – how have you been? I’ve been meaning to have you over for ages. Fred! Take it easy on the chip dip or you’ll ruin your dinner.”

“Heard from any of the gang lately? Got a card from the Martins – they’re in Ft. Lauderdale again. What’s the matter, Fred? You’re fidgeting. It’s down the hall, first door on the left. And I don’t want to see a towel in the middle of the floor when you’re finished. So, how are your children? If everybody’s hungry, we’ll go into dinner. You all wash up and I’ll dish up the food. Don’t tell me your hands are clean, Eleanor, I saw you playing with the dog.”

“Fred, you sit there, and Eleanor you sit with the half glass of milk. You know you’re all elbows when it comes to milk. Fred, I don’t see any cauliflower on your plate. You don’t like cauliflower? Have you ever tried it? Well, try a spoonful. If you don’t like it, I won’t make you finish it, but if you don’t try it, you can forget about dessert. Now, what were we talking about? Oh, yes… the Grubers. They sold their house and took a beating but – Eleanor, don’t talk with food in your mouth. And use your napkin…”

At that moment in my fantasy, my son walked into the room.

“How nice of you to come”, I said pleasantly.

“Now what did I do?”, he sighed.

matauri · #7 (**permalink**) 11-07-2003, 11:04 PM

I got emailed that a couple of years ago, and I fully recommend putting it somewhere in full view if you have teens. Whenever my teen even thinks about crossing those boundaries..I point her towards it. Works like a charm! No arguements...peace & quiet :-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by minstrel

“Well, it’s about time you two got here! What have you been doing? Dawdling? Shut the door, Fred. Were you born in a barn? So, Eleanor – how have you been? I’ve been meaning to have you over for ages. Fred! Take it easy on the chip dip or you’ll ruin your dinner.”

“Heard from any of the gang lately? Got a card from the Martins – they’re in Ft. Lauderdale again. What’s the matter, Fred? You’re fidgeting. It’s down the hall, first door on the left. And I don’t want to see a towel in the middle of the floor when you’re finished. So, how are your children? If everybody’s hungry, we’ll go into dinner. You all wash up and I’ll dish up the food. Don’t tell me your hands are clean, Eleanor, I saw you playing with the dog.”

“Fred, you sit there, and Eleanor you sit with the half glass of milk. You know you’re all elbows when it comes to milk. Fred, I don’t see any cauliflower on your plate. You don’t like cauliflower? Have you ever tried it? Well, try a spoonful. If you don’t like it, I won’t make you finish it, but if you don’t try it, you can forget about dessert. Now, what were we talking about? Oh, yes… the Grubers. They sold their house and took a beating but – Eleanor, don’t talk with food in your mouth. And use your napkin…”

My gawd Dave....I thought I was listening to one of my sisters then! LOL , reminded me of dinners there! (obviously I don't go often!) :-)

Cindy

minstrel · #8 (**permalink**) 11-07-2003, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matauri

My gawd Dave....I thought I was listening to one of my sisters then! LOL , reminded me of dinners there! (obviously I don't go often!) :-)

I know... that's from a handout I give to parents who come to me wondering why their teenagers are so disrespectful and oppositional - and then seem surprised when the teen complains that they treat him like a child and don't respect his/her privacy.

rocky1 · #9 (**permalink**) 11-08-2003, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matauri

My gawd Dave....I thought I was listening to one of my sisters then! LOL , reminded me of dinners there! (obviously I don't go often!) :-)

I thought I was listening to Wen there for a moment!

Although I agree with your superior psychological intellect on such matters to a point Dave, one might interject that although we love Fred and Eleanor's company, maybe we want our children to grow up a bit more refined than Fred and Eleanor!

Likewise it is commonly known that children bring this wrath upon themselves. I mean, I'm pretty laid back when it comes to raising kids, I don't ask for much out of them, let them butt their heads against the wall and learn their own lessons in most respects, all I ask is that they "respect public space" in the home, (i.e. don't drop your goodies just where ever the .... you please in passing, put them away so that someone else does not have too), eat what those who have slaved over the stove have prepared for you, (i.e. don't whine "I don't like that!" And, expect a special meal prepared for your little bony ass), and don't lip off to those that support you out of the kindness of their heart, (since I have no fiduciary obligation to my significant other's children, who's father refuses to support them!)

And, I still get....

"I don't like spaghetti! I'm not going to eat that."
"Why?"
"Because it has tomatoes in it."
"It has Tomatoe Sauce in it."
"So"
"You eat Ketchup don't you?"
"Yes."
"You eat Pizza don't you?"
"Yes."
"You eat Lasagna don't you?"
"Yes"
"Same damn thing!"
"No it's not!"
"Yes it is."
"NO IT'S NOT!"
"Eat peanut butter and jelly then. I don't care."
"Mom..... He's picking on me again!"

Why does this child insist I'm picking on her, when she demands that I prepare a special meal, just for her, because she has some mental twist that tells her Sphagetti is not acceptable fare, when Lasagna is, and they contain for the most part, identical ingredients. "This is not McDonald's," I tell her. "Either you eat what everyone else eats, or you're on your own. I was taught to eat what was set before me out of sheer respect for the effort put forth by my mother in preparing such. Either that or you went hungry, you weren't even offered peanut butter and jelly. And, I'm not cooking anything else!"

Likewise there is the incessant questioning of everything without cause or reason. Recently driving down the road there was a rather large cloud of smoke in the distance; quite obviously several acres of dense foilage being burned to clear it; smoke rising several thousand feet in the air, and trailing off for miles. Totally ignoring the obvious, we get the question from the back seat...

"Is that a fire?"

In attempt to levitate this question beyond the point of implying sheer ignorance, I suggested in reply....

"No Chelsea, it is a large group of children running around with lots of them little smoke bombs that were left over from the Fourth of July celebration! Either that, or someone's grilling lots of chicken over there! Of course, it's a fire!"

"Would you stop! Mom.... he's picking on me! He always treats me like I'm stupid."

At which mom blows up about the incessant bickering between the child and I.

So should I say instead, "Do you realize how damned stupid that question was, Child?", so that I am not picking on her, when she asks such ridiculous questions? Because if Fred were to ask such a question, I would most certainly ask him that, and without fear of hurting his delicate little feelings too!

She's blonde, I'm trying to make her grow out of that, before she becomes stereotypically blonde! (And, starts talking to Jello and such.) Unfortunately I hold very little hope of succeeding at this task. My only salvation at this point is, and I keep reminding her... One day she will have children of her own, they will very likely call me Grandpa, and I will effect my retribution upon her when that time arrives!

The other child is a charm, he's borderline of the teenage stage, but he's probably more laid back than I, and spends most of his time glued to a cartoon, a computer monitor, or a good book. Although 2 years younger than his sister, he is much more intelligent. He does not ask the obvious, he generally eats what's set before him, and he learned in the first few rounds of testing the limits with his sister, to put his goodies where they belong, and to respect public domain!

Although they were sired by two different fathers, they were raised by the same mother. Why so much difference Doc? What makes one such a pain in the keester, while the other is such a joy. The most annoying thing about the second child is, he turns the TV off every time he leaves the room! It makes no difference if you're watching from the other room or not. LOL

Not to put you on the spot here or anything, how would you suggest handling a child that insists upon testing the waters incessantly, refuses to listen, and tries to ply themselves between the parents?

Rocky

minstrel · #10 (**permalink**) 11-08-2003, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocky1

Although I agree with your superior psychological intellect on such matters to a point Dave, one might interject that although we love Fred and Eleanor's company, maybe we want our children to grow up a bit more refined than Fred and Eleanor!

Wow... this was a LONNNGGG post... I think we need to talk, Rocky :-)

...except I have to run out and get more food for ther bottomless pits (aka stomachs with feet) that live with me before the stores close.

I'll just make one comment:

Quote:

eat what those who have slaved over the stove have prepared for you, (i.e. don't whine "I don't like that!" And, expect a special meal prepared for your little bony ass)

The easy solution to that is to simply say, "this is what I've made for supper tonight - if you don't want to eat it, that's fine with me... you're welcome to go make some Kraft dinner or a peanut butter sandwich if you prefer...". That way, there's no need for arguing or power struggles - it's just a simple statement of one of the laws of nature :-)

Quote:

Not to put you on the spot here or anything, how would you suggest handling a child that insists upon testing the waters incessantly, refuses to listen, and tries to ply themselves between the parents?

I will try to respond to some of the other points when I get back... the "plying between parents" thing is a common but also a tricky issue :-)

rocky1 · #11 (**permalink**) 11-08-2003, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Minstrel

Wow... this was a LONNNGGG post... I think we need to talk, Rocky :-)

~~ LOL ~~ Sorry about that, but the eldest is really a pain at times. With all the problems we have, as any couple has, she often overshadows everything with her incessant attempts at trying to be the center of the universe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Minstrel

The easy solution to that is to simply say, "this is what I've made for supper tonight - if you don't want to eat it, that's fine with me... you're welcome to go make some Kraft dinner or a peanut butter sandwich if you prefer...". That way, there's no need for arguing or power struggles - it's just a simple statement of one of the laws of nature :-)

Have resigned myself to only that! I gave up on attempts at trying to make her rationalize anything in her argument that the tomatoe sauce in Spaghetti is any different from the tomatoe sauce in Pizza and Lasagna. Or, any other grounds for displeasure in what has been prepared. (i.e. My sinfully having put Italian Sausage in the Lasagna. When even the recipe on the box calls for it!) It appears to be essentially a rebellion against the step parent thing, as it is typically my cooking she argues. (And, no I'm not a bad cook; quite the contrary, in fact.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Minstrel

the "...plying between parents" thing is a common but also a tricky issue :-)

Understood. And, often one with few if any true answers in resolve. I would assume that a unified position by both parents presents a more formidable front. However, it might likeswise present a seemingly unyielding position, wherein the child might be subject to turn away altogether, which we certainly don't want either.

Actually she's a good kid Doc, don't get the wrong impression, she's very responsible in allot of respects. We just have allot of trouble with her testing the waters at home. She goes to other peoples' houses babysitting and picks up, cleans up, washes dishes, you name it. But here.... everytime you turn around, she's dropped something in the middle of the floor or the table, left it lying in the stairs, refuses to clean her room, messes up her brother's room and leaves it. It's not like she doesn't know better, and when confronted she becomes extrememly argumentative and resentful of your having pointed it out. And, I know she's not the only child that does that either, I've seen it before, in fact I probably did it myself. But, she's at an age now, where it would be nice to head a good bit of it off, and find a bit of respect on our parts, both individually & personally and as a couple & her parents, before she hits those mid-teen nightmares we're anticipating very shortly! There's more to it subliminally, than simply being a slob at home, she's testing us in preparation for what lies ahead! It's nature's way... not?

Rocky

Greyhawk · #12 (**permalink**) 11-08-2003, 05:01 PM

Rocky I had the same problem when I moved in with a lady and her daughters. I was cooking dinner on a regular basis and she would always find something wrong with the meal, very much like you discribed in your post. I finally decided to remedy this by making her help with the cooking chores. She soon experienced the very same treatment from her sisters that she gave to me. It was a leson hard learnt for her but she never made a fuss over what was for dinner again and if she didn't like what I was making she would then make her own but would let me know before hand so that I didn't cook too much.

Greyhawk

JMac · #13 (**permalink**) 11-08-2003, 07:22 PM

Rocky - I could light a fire rubbing my two cents together these days...
I see that food issues don't change from 4years old to 14 years old - when we're talking girls. Boys (as I see you've discovered) will eat anything - anytime - anyplace. Dash a little ketchup on that Tonka wheel and you're all set... Girls - shudder - sauce is not the same, even when it is the same. My older (4) daughter used to eat non-stop... now we're starving her out. Hahahah... <is that child protection I hear at the door?> I AM JOKING! But, things she always liked and anything new (have I covered every possibility?) - "I don't like that" - now, if she doesn't want what we're having, she can have an apple or something equally easy to give her without preparing a "special needs" meal!
As for testing the limits, read the "no change from age to age line" - same here. I get things like "well, you know mom, SOME people call red blue."
???? Who calls red blue? Nothing I say is correct and I'm tired of being put in my place by a four year old!

David - I'm surprised Rocky didn't ask you what Kraft Dinner is! That's what I got when I referred to it that way south of the border. They call it "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese" (Cheese and macaroni, if you watch the tv commercials! :-)) Ahem, may I add that Kraft DINNER is another great Canadian invention, perfect for substitution suppers - if they'll eat it!

Greyhawk - that sounds like an ideal approach for kids who are old enough to cook. Cooking - it's a life lesson - learn it! (And then get started on that pile of laundry!) >:-)

JMac

minstrel · #14 (**permalink**) 11-09-2003, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JMac

Boys (as I see you've discovered) will eat anything - anytime - anyplace. Dash a little ketchup on that Tonka wheel and you're all set...

Not my sons... a while back, my almost 12 year old was eating a McDonald's drive-thru chicken burger (don't ask - once they're all 21, I'll never enter those arches again) in the car. After about half the burger, he said, "This cheese tastes strange." I (foolishly) said, "That's not cheese - it's mayonnaise." The last bite exploded out of his mouth as he yelped, "I hate mayonnaise!"

Quote:

now, if she doesn't want what we're having, she can have an apple or something equally easy to give her without preparing a "special needs" meal!

LOL - I love that - "special needs meal" :-)

Quote:

Nothing I say is correct and I'm tired of being put in my place by a four year old!

uh-huh... like you have a choice...

Quote:

They call it "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese" (Cheese and macaroni, if you watch the tv commercials! :-)) Ahem, may I add that Kraft DINNER is another great Canadian invention, perfect for substitution suppers - if they'll eat it!

Odd... since it has no real cheese in it... and we're not even sure about the ingredients in the noodles... but kids do seem to eat large quantities of it, whatever it is...

rocky1 · #15 (**permalink**) 11-09-2003, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyhawk

Rocky I had the same problem when I moved in with a lady and her daughters. I was cooking dinner on a regular basis and she would always find something wrong with the meal, very much like you discribed in your post. I finally decided to remedy this by making her help with the cooking chores.

That did slow it down for a while, then little brother did the complaining routine, like she does, and she quit cooking!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jmac

I get things like "well, you know mom, SOME people call red blue."

I have experienced very similar events! No longer does she receive help with homework on account of it as well! I simply stated, I did not ask to help you with your homework, I was asked to help you with it. If you don't want the answers I offer, then you should read the book because the answers to the open book quiz you are taking are contained therein! I know I just found them!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jmac

David - I'm surprised Rocky didn't ask you what Kraft Dinner is! That's what I got when I referred to it that way south of the border. They call it "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese"

If you look up there in that long winded post of mine you'll note I do cook, (I've never head butted anyone dancing either), and, it says "Kraft Dinner" on the box! Along with Cheese & Macaroni, of course. ~~ LOL ~~

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jmac

Ahem, may I add that Kraft DINNER is another great Canadian invention

Don't suppose they've had it hooked up to life support checking for brain waves too by chance?

Rocky