This isn't, I'm sure, the quick and easy answer you're looking for, but I'm going to suggest you talk to your sales people. What do they say to people they approach? How do they "pitch" the services/facilities you provide? What problems are you solving? Why do people have them? When? Where? And what sort of people are they?
Questions like these should give you the basis for creating a home page (and its accompanying ones) with the right words.
My quick reaction to what you have at present is Huh? "Short of Room?" makes me think of needing a larger home/apartment. And I can't for the life of me catch the point of the car, which seems to be digging itself into something, but lord knows what it is.
The wording in the bordered areas of the page start to make sense, but the main requirement is a far sharper focus on who you are, what you do, how customers can benefit from it, why they're advised to contact you, etc., etc.
The essential point to a website that's supposed to develop leads (and that's the objective of yours -- or so it should be, anyway) is to make people realize that you have the solution to a problem they have. That, I betcha, is what your salespeople know and that's what they're saying. "Borrow" their words from them and the "magic keywords" will write themselves for you.
Duncan
|